Happy New Yeaaar! So it's 2014. The image of a hot girl doing push ups on a medicine ball has nothing to do with the new year, I just put it there coz she's hot.
Anyway, I've seen numerous Facebook statuses about how people will "change for the better" for this year. Whether it be about wealth management, contributing to society, or improved health, good luck. *Clap clap clap* I do hope this year's list was different from last year, or else, I shall dub thee, a Poser.
I find that wanting to change(for the better) is awesome, so allow me to list a couple of things you can change in your daily life that will help you with your fitness goals... and no, liposuction is not the way to go.
1) Eat Brown Shit
Don't go scooping things out of the toilet you disgusting person. That's just weird. Anyway, what I mean is that since you're most likely Pinoy, and Pinoys have the diet stereotype of having rice in every meal. Go convert your white rice diet to brown rice. Why brown rice? No, it will not DIRECTLY make you thinner(It's got about the same calories as white rice,) however, it's got some magical juju nutrition that your body can greatly benefit from.
No, I will not list the magical jujus coz I am not your bitch, google the benefits yourself. However, I will make a simple analogy of why you should switch. Imagine that white rice is a glass of beer, and brown rice is a glass of milk. So, at a health (not happiness) standpoint, which is better for you?
Although both have roughly around 120 calories per serving, but the calories from the beer is what you call "empty calories", which simply adds to your overall calorie intake, without giving you the necessary nutrients to build lean macho mass(which indirectly effects how you workout, your metabolism, and overall laglag panty effect.)
2) Drink Like A Cow
Drink like a baby cow. Like a kyot baby cow. Like a black and white baby cow from Australia. No, not from the Philippines, because the cows here aren't kyot and look like they're about to die from starvation.
What I mean by this is have a glass of milk before bed. Preferably, low-fat or skim milk. Either way, it depends on your goal. Why milk? First of all, it fights off the hunger pangs that haunt you every evening. Add a scoop of protein while you're at it. However, I will stick an umbrella up your butt and open it if you decide to dip a couple of oreos in that glass of milk. Milk good, oreos bad... but also good. Charap.
Second reason is, as science points out, recovery happens when you sleep. So let's keep that casein (slow digesting protein from milk) flowing through your system to help mesh together them muscle tissues you ripped apart when you worked out this morning(that's just my illustration, your muscles don't really rip. I think.)
Third reason, is that if you drink a lot of liquid before going to bed, you might wake up in the morning wanting to go wiwi. Free alarm clock, dude. Yeah, it happens.
3) Don't be a Johnny Bravo
I'm not sure if you get my reference, if you don't, that means I'm really getting old. Damn it. Johnny Bravo was a cartoon character from Cartoon Network and a helluva playboy that was obsessed with looking good.
It's okay to want to look aesthetically pleasing, but what I suggest is that it's better to have some functional mass on your booty first, then you add the "pampapogi" muscles. What can you do with your muscles other than flex them?
I will humblebrag a story. When Yolanda hit, I volunteered over at the Army Gym( First humblebrag that shows I'm selfless. Hellyeah!) I noticed that real soldiers were unloading sacks of relief goods and moving them across the gym. I manned up and asked if I could be an epal and help out the soldiers because I didn't bring a face towel just to stick little bottles of water in a box. Nuh uh, not for me.
So I was the only civilian that joined the soldiers and I think I transferred more 60-70 pound sacks of relief goods by myself than any other soldier there who fatigued. Some of the men asked me if I wanted to stop, but nah. I'm like an energizer bunny. I just kept going and going. I only stopped because I had to go to class (Second humblebrag. Hellyeah again!)
Moral of the story? Build some functional mass so that you'll be able to humblebrag. I kid! No, the moral of the story is, functional mass allows you to do more things outside the gym which can prepare you for different types of situations better than just looking pretty. Functional mass is basically mass that helps you with your daily endeavors and are those that will most probably save your life when a zombie invasion happens. (Like if you slip off the edge of a rooftop, and you're hanging by your fingertips... you think benching 300+ pounds will save you? Not likely.)
4) Share Your Fats
People keep asking "How do you stay lean? You only eat boiled chicken breast?" No, coz that's just sad. Eat whatever you want, just not too much of it. You want a slice of cake? Call the waiter and order, salivate, then take a few bites. Share the rest.
What are the benefits of not being so strict with your "diet"? First, you kill the cravings which will most probably lead to binging. Second, you won't feel deprived and want to commit suicide. Third, having a just a few NORMAL SIZED bites will most likely mean that you don't go overboard your daily caloric intake. Fourth, your friends and colleagues will think "Oh look, he's so nice. He shares. I shall introduce him to a really hot friend of mine so he can order more in the future and I get to eat for free"
DISCLAIMER: Introduction of hot friend due to your perceived niceness is not an automatic consequence of sharing your desserts. Kung swerte ka lang.
5) Put That Remote Down
Yes, I'm talking to you. I've seen one too many people complaining that they're too busy to squeeze in a daily work out. Brown person, please (I wanted to use the N word, but I might get flamed by society coz apparently, only black people can use that term. Being almost tikoy-white, I am banned from using the N word.) If you have time to TV/Series/Youtube/Facebook/Instagram, you have time to squeeze in your workout for the day.
It's the New Year, and one of your resolutions should be to scrap that "I'm too busy coz I'm an important person" attitude. You want to be an important person in risk of a heart attack? Didn't think so.
6) Enjoy Naked Men
For the women, I bet you got all excited. For men, don't panic. This is a no homo title. What this means is that always have a constant source of motivation. Remember, consistency is key, and it's easier to be consistent when you're motivated. Go watch a few clips from the 300 movie and remind yourself how your girl went gaga over Gerard Butler every now and then. Book your ticket to Boracay for Labor Day so that you have a goal for summer. Stroll inside a Healthy Options or GNC. Buy a tub of protein shake. I don't care how weird it gets, as long as it gets you going, brown person!
7) Quit the Fads
Females. I am talking to you. Stop ordering those blended grass in a bottle that taste like crap, or other "just breathe air for three days" diet cycles. That's just impractical and dangerous.
There's a study that came out years ago regarding the lifestyles of celebrities... It compared their actual age versus that of their physiological age(which depended on their lifestyle.) A huge factor considered was yoyo-dieting, which basically meant that they were fat then got sexy for a role, then got fat again. So let's say Miss Hottie was 24 years old, but her physiological age was that of a 40 year old woman because of her bad habits. Imagine when she's 50, she'll have the physiological age of a dinosaur!!! dun dun dun! Disgusting right?
Looking sexy should come with being healthy. Go for the big picture.
8) Meet Joe. Have Him Black
Once you go black, you ain't never going back. Have you met my friend, Joe? It is said that the best version of him comes fresh from the poop of a certain breed cats. Yes. I'm talking about coffee.
Coffee is magical. Why do I say it's got some magical juju? Well, black brewed coffee almost has zero calories. It's the creamer and sugar that adds the extra calories, you fool. A good cup will taste really good (but it's said to be an acquired taste. O diba, sosyal!) It's a cheap, safe, and reliable pre-workout drink. No dangerous drugs or unnecessary hypes here! It's got anti-oxidants to clean your silly cells. It is even suggested as a perfect pair for taking creatine. Some studies also show that taking coffee a few minutes before an intense physical activity can help burn more calories.
All in all, it's good to be black.
9) Be a Cocky... But cautious sonuvabitch.
Always have the mindset that "I can do that too... eventually." I added the word "eventually" because being too cocky can be dangerous when it comes to working out.
I have this friend, he-who-shall-not-be-named, who always asked for my help in the gym. However, every time I ask him to do something, he'll say "Hindi ko kaya, make it lighter! Masyadong mahirap" Hence, long-story short, he wouldn't make gains. He-who-shall-not-be-named is a classic in all gyms, he's the guy who does what's comfortable and easy.
One of the truest things I've heard of is "You're only good at something you always do." (That's why there's such a thing as beginners luck.) Once you're good at it, that means you're used to it. When you're used to it, then that means how your body looks is the way it's going to stay to keep doing that same shit. If you keep doing that same shit, your body will never progress. See the logic?
Get out of your comfort zone and be a cocky sonuvabitch.
