Open Letter to PNoy

Dear Ab-Noy,

Please listen carefully.  This is a reaction to your most recent press conference.  I will dumb things down for you because I am somewhat of a genius when it comes to Political Law. I plan to someday write a book called "Political Law for Dummies" at ibabato ko sa ulo mo ang autographed copy mo. I won't even need to cite a boring provision of the Constitution to explain why you're wrong on so many levels.

This is me, a school boy, schooling the President of this joke of a country. You should really hire me, you know. I'll save you from the embarrassment that happens everytime you open your mouth.

Beyond the not so complicated Constitutional provision that you can't seem to grasp are the underlying reasons why what you insist is 'right' is actually wrong:

1. The Constitution is the fundamental law of the land. 

It was established under the premise that its rules are for the good of the people. Yes, your bosses who you don't seem to listen to. Therefore, anything that goes against it will lose. Say bye bye to your Admin Code defense, even if your mother created that back she had legislative powers as the President during the Freedom Constitution. That's like an ex-girlfriend, wag mo nang ipilit yan.

 2. The country is called a "Republic" for a reason. Hence, the following characteristics:

A. A characteristic of being a Republic is that "We are a government of law, and not of men." Ano ba ibig sabihin niyan? It means it does not matter who you are or how good your intentions may be, you follow the damn law. No person is above the law. The law gave you the powers, and you cannot act beyond it.

Why is this important? It's to prevent those in power from acting arbitrarily and for personal reasons, no matter how noble the intentions are. If you don't see the danger of allowing laws to be bent for what you feel is "right", how can you tell where you will draw the line? The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Your daang matuwid is starting to look like hell.

B. Another characteristic is called "Separation of Powers", which is intended to prevent a concentration of authority in one person or group of persons. Yes you, I'm talking to you. Napapanot ka na sa tigas ng ulo mo, ayaw mo parin makinig.

Under the Doctrine of "Separation of Powers", there's a principle called "Check and Balance" as well. This is to prevent you, from encroaching on the jobs of Congressmen, and the Courts, your co-equal bodies. Somehow you manage to usurp the "Power of the Purse" of Congress, and are now attempting to do the job of the Supreme Court in interpreting the law.

Congress is like your wife, it asks you to bring home the bacon through taxes, and tells you how it should be spent. That's why it's called "Power of the Purse". Why would you take your wife's purse? Bakla ka ba? Di yan bagay sayo.

C. A third characteristic you've violated is the principle of "Accountability". In a nutshell, it means that public office is a public trust. Hence, every person working in the government shall be liable for their wrong doings. As the President, you are impeachable. How can you now be impeachable when you hold the Senate(the people who have the power to impeach you) by their balls?

Due to your DAP, you were able to oust the Chief Justice by secretly bribing the Senate. Now you can't be impeached because the very people who have that power were paid by the same money. In summary, you managed to violate the "Separation of Powers" by stealing your wife's purse and have thrown away "Accountability" because you bribed those who can punish you. Nasabihan ka ng mali yun, ayaw mo pa makinig. Sir, that is pride sir. Deadly sin yan. Magagalit si baby Jesus.

Now whether or not your acts are actually grounds for impeachment is something we can argue about another day. But just a personal opinion, yes, you culpably violated the Constitution(heller, nagfile ka ng bill to prevent GMA from doing what you're doing now, so obviously you know it's not allowed),bribed Congressmen, promoted graft and corruption, and betrayal of public trust(favoritism towards Abad, tyrannical abuse of authority). You Napoles-coddling-minion-looking President, you.

If you were an actor, you'd be Robin Padilla. #medyobadboy

Gets mo na bakit bawal? I didn't even need to cite that provision of the Constitution that you blatantly violated. Repeat after me: "DAP is bad. It is not good" Yaaaay! Bigyan ng jacket... Straight jacket.

Some Things You Just Don’t Joke About

Just this afternoon, I saw in my Facebook newsfeed a friend of mine ranting about something his Chinese neighbor did.  This resulted to a comment on his status by some Chinese national calling my friend a “maid” because he’s part Filipino and he should clean toilets.  It bothered me so much that I fired back a comment saying that if the comment of his friend, the Chinese guy, is as funny as the guy’s face, I’d be laughing.

Shots fired! Shots fired! *brings out popcorn*

It turned out that they weren’t really fighting.   Whoops, sorry, my mistake.  It just seemed like a legit fight.  By the way, it’s 1 am and I’m writing this while I’m a little intoxicated, so maybe that’s why I feel so strongly about what happened.

Anyway highway, despite being an epal to their private joke, I really didn’t feel bad for saying what I said.   Why, gulay?  Although my sense of humor has a broad spectrum, that joke was of poor taste.   Come on, mamon, it’s almost as taboo as joking with a black guy about slavery.

Apparently, alcohol makes me rhyme in the worst way ever.  I wonder if Eminem started this way?   It would be cool to be the Filipino who looked Chinese and rapped like JayZ.  United Colors of Benetton ang peg. Aaaand I’ve gone off topic.

C’mon, as much as there is so much to hate about the Filipino culture, I’ll be the first to defend it from some foreigner.  American, Chinese, or whatever, put ‘em up, bitch.  Wag lang Russian, them batak people will probably kill me with one arm.

 First, it was made during Independence Day.  (Technically, Independence Day happened on the 4th, but whatever) Hello, it’s the day the Philippines finally lost its training wheels.  Personally though, I would want those training wheels put back on because we’re taking care of this country just as bad as Justin Bieber’s way of taking care of his reputation.

Second, it's on social media.  Distasteful things like that shouldn't be shared for the whole world to see, much like those trending "after sex" selfies.

Third, a maid is a maid; that’s a fact.  However, why would one use it in a demeaning manner?   Joking or not, it’s unacceptable.

No one wants to be a maid.  It’s a very humble position in society, with low pay, and most of the time, under less than desirable working conditions.  You know what else it is? It’s also honest work... Unless you’re one of those maids who steal from their employer or help set up scams, then you have my permission to die.

 Obviously, the reason one would turn to such employment is because they have no other employable skill set.  They have a choice of either mag-ligpit sila ng kama, or humiga sila sa kama.  This misfortune is brought about by lack of education, which in turn was brought about by poverty (most of the time. Sometimes ayaw lang mag-aral)

Our economic status in life is often dictated by a shuffle of the cards: The lucky ones get born with a silver spoon, while the unlucky ones get a spork na napulot sa kalye.  So why would you ridicule someone’s lowly status in life to which he or she had no hand in?

I admit that I will probably never see things eye to eye with someone who has known true hunger.  I can never claim to understand the people living in poverty.  I even dislike, no wait, hate those who use poverty as a reason for self-entitlement.  (Read my previous post about Jejemons, you’ll get me)  My inability to truly relate to the less privileged however, does not mean I will give them less respect than they deserve.

Let’s go to the other end of the spectrum and compare a position filled with fame, money and power; would you say that being a Senator in the Philippines is a more honorable position deserving utmost respect?  True, you’d have a better life, but at what cost?  I’d rather be related to someone’s manang, rather than Senator Revilla.   That guy…  he deserves a rant totally dedicated to him.    He should stick to making those horrible panday movies.  Sir, I’ve seen your biceps and the contents of your brain… I am not impressed by either; both are just full of fat.

 To whoever wrote his privilege speech, please stop wasting tax payers’ money and die now.   The logic in his monologue was basically: “Don’t go after me because you have other problems” Sonuvagun, his corruption (and the other Congressmen) is the source of all those other problems.   Please commit hara-kiri already.  I shall watch with the same enthusiasm of a 5 year old kid and even do a selfie so I can post on Instagram and have a million likes so I can be famous and run for a position of power so I can save this country.

So to individuals who choose to disrespect and use as basis for ridicule those who clean toilets, or those who drive around some rich person, or those who wait tables, I would like to send a virtual karate chop to your balls.  Stop this doucheyness now, there are just some things you shouldn’t joke about.

Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 5)

1) What Differentiates You Makes You Who You Are

Growing up, I received a lot of jokes about my name,  face, weight,  temper,  fashion sense,  and yes, even haircut.  The most prevalent joke about me is being called "kabayo" because of my jaw line(I would think "huhu Why my panga? Sana dahil sa birdie ko nalang.")  One time, I even visited the derma and as I was laying there on my back, the derma called her assistant and said "Gusto mo makakita ng grabeng jaw? Tignan mo yung kay Ronald." Thanks, doc. Titingin din ako sa iyo kung gusto ko makakita ng grabeng waistline.

Hurt feelings aside, when I started dating, I realized that most, if not all the girls I've ever dated found me attractive for my horsey features.  What I figured out was, kanya kanyang taste yan. Some like them big jaws, some find them round faces cuter... and if I were to have a choice between being different and blending in a sea of faces, I would choose to be different. I am divergent... Naki-ride lang sa movie. No, this does not mean that you should try being a hipster(not that there's anything wrong with being a hipster... more power to you, Noynoy-glasses wearing individuals)

If you don't believe me or you missed seeing Divergent, watch the Lego Movie. The dude realized that he was so concerned about fitting into what is normal, that nobody knew who he was, not even his so called friends.

Teasing or being teased(in its most innocent meaning) is a part of life.  You get teased by your friends, classmates, siblings, or even by strangers. There's no getting around it; Perfect kasi sila eh. What's important is how you deal with these things.  There is beauty in all things, and only those who can appreciate it are worthy of your time.  When being ridiculed for not falling within the conventional standards of society, don't frustrate yourself for not being ideal or not being cookie-cutter perfect. Hold your head up high and own it.

2) Look Them Bullies Eye to Eye

Back when I just entered first year high school, I had the unfortunate experience of running into a particular barkada from a higher year level.  I've never talked nor made eye contact with them, but one day, five of them went to my classroom. Three of them stood by just outside while their "leader" and another scum of the earth decided to go in to threaten me. Masyado daw akong "maangas" looking(I can't help it if my I end up scowling when faced with ugly people such as them, c'mon, right?)

Their "leader" was a foot shorter than me and had an uncanny resemblance to Chito Miranda. He also looked like he needed a couple of happy meals to save him from starvation. They tried to intimidate me. Five versus one?  Nope, still not enough to get me to back down, silly butiki. The long and short of it was I got hit on the chest(coz he was too short to reach my face? I mean really, who sucker punches a chest?) And I retaliated by throwing him on the floor.   His sidekick then hit me with a monoblock chair on my back.  When the bell rang, the bullies ran away. On several other occassions they would torment me and throw something at me, but I just gave them my oh so big middle finger. 

I decided to corner some of them feeling bad boys when they were alone just to see what they were made of.  Then the most interesting thing happened; They couldn't look me in the eye, and neither could they speak without stuttering. They were all cowards, especially the one who kept throwing stuff at me.

On other occassions, more guys from the higher batch would test me. I remember one of them suddenly shouted "Hoy siocoy, bakla ka diba? Isa kang malaking bakla!"  or some words to that effect. Since I don't resort to immature name calling, I decided to just throw my coleman at his face. Needless to say he never looked me in the eye... his bully aura died when he started crying. 

Once, an upperclassman decided to interrupt my basketball game when the ball rolled in his direction.  He just up and got the ball, and decided to do some shooting in another court.  I asked him kindly to return it but he wouldn't.  He only gave it back when I came over and put him in a headlock. "Joke lang daw" at "sorry."  He never bothered me again.

Bullies are people who were never hugged enough as a child, or were never breastfed, or were cursed with really small patotoys and are trying to overcompensate for it...  or it could be for several other reasons. One thing is for sure, they are the way they are not because they're "tough guys", they're bullies because they are riddled with insecurities and always have something to prove.

Kid, you should never start fights but you should always be ready to stand up for yourself.  Don't spend your life cowering against those who always have something to prove. You may bleed, turn black and blue, but you will sleep better knowing that you stood your ground against those who have a false sense of superiority over you. 

3) Don't Date For Caviar

I once had a Facebook contact who shared a blog she read which listed several "budget" restaurant ideas for dating.  She ranted saying "If a guy asks you on a date & brings you to these restos, walk away.. There are a lot of things to put a budget on but how to treat a girl should't be one of them. #FAIL."

I tossed and turned but I couldn't let it go. It's one thing to be shallow, but to promote such shallowness is another.  I left a comment saying "So some people actually equate the enjoyment of a date to the price level of a restaurant? And I thought it always boiled down to chemistry and good conversation skills."  After posting, I deleted her from my contacts (Hashtag "we got a bad ass over here.")  I don't need people like that in my life, not even if it were Ann Curtis.

Every person has his or her own standards for dating.  For me, it is always quality over quantity (Dating shouldn't be Divisoria style na tiangge, madami ka ngang t-shirts pero may mga butas naman)  High standards may refer to looks, sex appeal, character, intellect, presentability, etc. It may also refer to her being "classy".  Remember, "class" is not about money: it is about having elegance and is reflected by how one carries his or herself (The moment someone confuses that having class is about having money, trust me, that person doesn't have any.)

Kid, looking for your special someone requires you to go through that ritual called "dating." In this process you figure out what you thought you wanted and what you really want in your significant other.  Such ritual can cost you from zero pesos to mega-pucha-butas-wallet-smile-now-iyak-later amount.  The former does not mean your date will suck, neither does the latter guarantee a good date.  You want someone who will enjoy fancy dinners, but not mind standing in line with you at some fast food joint when you're both a little strapped for cash.  You date to find someone to enjoy the little things with, not someone who will just be there to be when there is caviar and champagne.

A good date is about chemistry. You start out nervous as to whether you have enough talking points to avoid any awkward silence then, before you know it,  you've been sitting in the same spot for so long but you're already looking forward to seeing each other even before you've said your goodbyes. Conversation will flow effortlessly that you feel like you've known each other for years.  Everything around you simply disappears, and any place you go to with each other would seem special and romantic.  Chemistry is about having an undeniable interest in a particular person; discovering their past to understand their present, and looking for the possibility of your future together.  

With chemistry, you end up drowning in each other so much that the hours will seem like minutes, and the minutes will seem like seconds... and guess what?  You can't buy it.

Walang Ganyan Sa States (Part 1)

The Philippine Government and Its Officials

Marshmallow Democratic System:

I once got into an argument with my law professor regarding democracy. In a nutshell, it led to him asking me if I wanted to remove democracy in our political set up, to which I hesitantly lied and answered "No sir" and gave some BS answer showing my support for the big D word(No, not the reproductive organ, silly. Wag gross, this is an intellectual article) The truth is, we don't deserve democracy.

What is this fancy word 'democracy' anyways? De-mo-krasi, in essence means "The rule of many". The truth is, democracy simply does not work for this country.  Why? Immaturity. We are too immature for this political system to flourish. Remember the marshmallow experiment where kids were given marshmallows with a promise that should they choose to wait, the marshmallows given would be doubled? The smarter ones reaped bigger rewards of sugary goodness by waiting... er no, we are not the smarter one in this case. We're the kid who just stuffed himself with the white puff as soon as the door closed. Sorry, but that's the truth.

Being the impatient kid who lives in the perpetual present, we attack the marshmallow with gusto, "get in my mouth now, marshy! Nomnomnom!!!"

In economics, one of the important concepts is the power of incentive. It is the motivation that influences an individual to the choice he will make. During elections, this incentive is known as "perang naka-ipit sa sandwich ni 'ateh' at 'koyah'." Now, the power of these incentives are less influential when the 'ateh' or 'koyah' has a fatter wallet, or is educated enough to see behind that charming smile flashed by our politicians; these educated individuals may vote for reasons which have a longer term of effect than those damn sandwiches, i.e. better political climate, improved business stability, lessening of corruption etc.

Weighing the amount of people easily influenced by the sandwiches versus the amount of people voting for more long term reasons, who wins?  According to the NSO, in 2012, we had 4.2 million people living in poverty(which increases yearly), poverty defined as living with an ANNUAL salary of Php 18,935. That's Php 1,578 per month, or Php 394 per week, to be divided by let's say, a family of 5.  Wala ng pangload si ate.  Obviously, these numbers are grossly conservative.

So is it really a democratic system when the rule of the many is determined by uneducated votes of sandwiches with extra palaman? Is it democracy when the "choice of the people" is strongly influenced by the necessities of a hungry tummy which in reality is brought about by those being voted for in order to remain in power? In other words, is it really democracy when your choice is pre-determined by powerful individuals who want to keep "the people" hungry and controllable?

What I'm saying, if you're still with me here, is that in the Philippine setting, democracy is basically the rule of the most number of influential sandwiches and we don't deserve it.

Role Playing Geniuses

From a nationwide perspective:
In 2016, elections are coming up, hence, we see our highly respectable Congressmen vying for their moment in the spotlight by conducting these extremely important televised Inquiries "In Aid of Legislation" to investigate anomalies which happened right under their noses. Yes mga sirs, talagang wala kayong alam kung paano nangyari mga yan, hence the need to inquire.

The problem with this is that they(the Congressmen)  firstly, under our system of government,  like to pretend that they are a court of justice, forgetting that their job is to legislate and not to determine if someone is guilty or innocent.   Claiming that these hearings are done "in aid of legislation", where exactly are the fruits showing that they have indeed crafted laws to avoid repetition of such anomalies? So they scrapped the PDAF and just renamed the damn thing to circumvent the laws they just crafted.

What does Donald Trump do when an employee fails to perform his functions? He looks at the under-performing employee like he's vomit, and says "You're fired!" I'm not saying that Congress is under performing, God no. I mean, it only took them more than a decade to enact the R.H. Bill which is just one of the MOST IMPORTANT BILLS in Philippine history.  Neither am I saying they look like vomit, c'mon we've got "Sexy" and "Pogi" in office, diba?

Secondly, investigating anomalies done by yourselves or by your peers? Allow me to provide a couple of words describing their act; conflict of interest, biased, politicized... in short, highly unnecessary gestures to recover the "trust" of the people. Y u waste tax money, silly Senators?

On the Executive(President) side, we've got an administration who gets confused or pretends to not know any better, forgetting that the budgeting process belongs to the Congressmen.  So basically, in making the national budget for the year, the President can only recommend the amounts to be used in the budget(this acts as a limit to the maximum amount that can be appropriated by our super honorable Congressmen.)

The President cannot say "oh, put X amount of pesos in this project." (but that's exactly what he did with the DAP.) Under the Philippine Constitution, he can only say "hanggang X amount of pesos lang for that project, okay, you group of selfless individuals reeking of honor and trustworthiness(Congress)?"

His power is limited to getting savings from the executive branch projects(which was already determined by Congress in their creation of the national budget) in another executive project.  He used this power to defend the DAP. Really? Savings is the amount left over from an expenditure. It's basically "oh may natira sa Project Z, ang galing, ilipat ko nga sa Project Y." Mr. President, I don't know what dictionary you're using, but taking a budget before it is used for that purpose is in no way "savings". Stop this silliness.

So we've got Congress who thinks it's a judge, and a President who thinks he's Congress itself. Really, these people should go open their Constitutional Law books before running for office.

Selfless Servants Of the People

What's the difference between a foreign public official versus that of a Filipino public official? Clue. It has five syllables. Delikadeza.  It means a sense of propriety regarding to sensitivity to the limits of proper behavior.  Let's face it, politics is dirty business all over the world,  but you've got to give it to the Filipinos to be the most kapal muks.

Riddle me this:
A. Which Senator refused to go on leave despite solid allegations of graft and corruption? Whoops, trick question, because the answer is all of them. However, if you thought of Jinggoy Estrada, you still get a cookie for being up to date Yay.
B. Which Vice President became a President, and after her term ran for lower office in order to help avoid her prosecution? Clue. She's so special that her timely medical problems can only be properly treated abroad. Sirit? If you guessed GMA, congratulations! You get another cookie.
C. Which Congressman was convicted for raping a minor and claimed that he shouldn't be imprisoned because "the people" will be deprived of political representation to their detriment? Clue. He got to leave the compounds of prison whenever he wanted to. If you guessed Jalosjos, congratulations!  Sorry, wala na akong cookie.
D. Which executive appointee was caught in a video playing in a casino with her feet up on the slot machine, which is prohibited by law?  It's LTO Chief Virginia Torres who claims that she was just attracted by the lights of the machine.  May lahing lamok pala si Chief eh, naattract ng ilaw.

In fact the rarity of delikadeza is so rare, that the Senate itself applauded former Senator Zubiri when he resigned from his post back in 2011 when it was proven that he won through election fraud.  He was called a "gentleman" for doing so.  Our standards for proper behavior has sunk so low that a cheater caught cheating is already a gentleman for stepping down.  Huwaw. 

Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 4)

1) Dress Properly, ALWAYS

Before living in our house in Quezon City, we used to live in Congressional Road. Back then, there were still cows roaming around and it was less commercialized. Cows ah!!! As in, "Moo, feed me grass", cows.

Anyway, we decided to move in slowly, traveling to and fro, transferring our possessions bit by bit.  One time, I thought that since I'll be practically going to my own house, I might as well not change.  So I was wearing this grey sando that had a skull with a couple of snakes going through its eye sockets and a dagger plunged right in the middle of its head(Ang bad ass ko, diba? No one messes with a guy with a skull sando) For my lower region, I wore some really breezy short blue boxers with a big heart print on its left side with the word "Heartthrob", and on its right, was a palm-sized picture of Spongebob... medyo bakat.  Yak:/

On our way there, my mom decided to pass by MC Home Depot along Ortigas.  While she went in to shop, I decided  to stay in the car since I looked simply ridiculous in my pambahay. Wouldn't you know it,  a dumbass Hyudai van hit the rear end of our vehicle.  How does that happen in a wide open parking area, really? So I'm there, embarrassed at how pasexy my shorts were, and my mom inside this edifice.   Oh, did I mention, she left her phone on the car seat? So this skinny 5'11(I was an inch shorter then) tikoy-white, half bad-ass, half-bading kid in his boxers ran through the entire span of MC Home Depot looking for his mother. 

It was really a series of unfortunate events that can only happen to me.  And since you're my kid, it might also happen to you.  So unless you want to get into a situation where you look like someone who just lost a bet, or is going through some form of initiation, always, ALWAYS, wear something presentable when going out because life is simply unpredictable.

2) Be Prepared for Curve Balls

Have you ever heard of the Aesop's Fable  about the fox, the boar and his tusks? A fox asked the boar why he was sharpening his tusks when there was no danger around.  The boar replied that because when danger is already there, he wouldn't have the time to do so.   

I have a friend named Anonymous.  One summer he decided to learn how to really swim. Not just swim like a cute doggy at some backyard pool,  but Anonymous wanted to be a really strong swimmer.  He swam daily for at least an hour, improving his fishy powers.   

A couple of years later, we went to the beach with several of our other friends.  On that particular day, the waves were huge, as in ROAAR. So we decided to just stand by the shore and get knocked over for the fun of it(the inner child, powerful it is - Yoda).  Suddenly, someone from the crowd pointed towards the sea screaming something incomprehensible.  There was a chubby Chinese girl who tired out and couldn't swim back to shore. She was drowning and she was far away.  The long and short of it, is that he swam through the big waves using the hours of training he endured then,  and saved her while everyone just watched. 

I have to give credit to some of our other friends who tried to get to her. They couldn't fight through the waves so they were just swimming in place, like a hamster on a wheel.  Silly friends, u no hamsters.  The other fifty something people on the beach didn't do anything except literally lift a finger to point her out.  Although, they did clap as soon as Anonymous carried the girl to the shore ala Baywatch style. They even kept giving him handshakes and saluting him.  For a day, ang haba ng hair ni Anonymous.

Kid, as you grow up, I want you to learn some basic survival skills.  Be it cooking, punching, swimming, or avoiding your ex... etc. (hehehe) The universe might decide to ask you to save someone's life, maybe even yours, and there's no App for that... yet? Ignore the pain, sweat, and blood for they are necessary because when life decides to suddenly throw you a curve ball, there's no time for you to learn them at the last minute.

3) Recognize True Love

In this day and age, there are countless acts of love captured on video which go trending in different social media platforms.  Usually, they are extravagant and borderline fairytale in terms of the level of whim whams it can give a person.  They make the men watching them go "Darn it, I wish I thought of that."  And make the ladies go, "Darn it, wish my man would do something like that."

As wonderful as these gestures are, do not limit yourself to thinking that those external signs of affection will make you a better boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife over someone who sticks to simple and unnoticed acts of love.   Do not make the mistake of thinking that these acts are an accurate reflection on how much you really love someone.

Being in a relationship is not just about holding someone's hand when everything is perfect. Any shallow person can do that. Know that being in cloud nine, as mind blowing as the experience is, is fleeting.  True love, in reality, has its boring moments; moments which are painful, even moments which make it seem like letting go is the best option.  In every relationship there are trials that test how far you are willing to go for someone; failures that make you question your promises of forever.  Having said that, it is also about knowing when to let go and accepting the fact that who you thought was your other half,  is no longer happy. 

It is in these invisible moments, these hope-to-be-forgotten instances, hardships that are not captured by the camera, that the authenticity of someone's love is revealed.  Despite the challenges that every relationship go through, true love is when you're willing to stick it out with that one person.  That one person who is willing to go through hell and back to be with you.  That one person who would not let go despite the fact that the world is pulling you both apart.   When you find that person, do not fail to recognize the rarity of her existence and  promise her your heart, for true love is not always fancy, but it is always enduring.

6. 9 Lifestyle Changes for the Year 2014

Happy New Yeaaar! So it's 2014.  The image of a hot girl doing push ups on a medicine ball has nothing to do with the new year, I just put it there coz she's hot.

Anyway, I've seen numerous Facebook statuses about how people will "change for the better" for this year.  Whether it be about wealth management, contributing to society, or improved health, good luck. *Clap clap clap* I do hope this year's list was different from last year, or else, I shall dub thee, a Poser.  

I find that wanting to change(for the better) is awesome, so allow me to list a couple of things you can change in your daily life that will help you with your fitness goals... and no, liposuction is not the way to go.

1)  Eat Brown Shit

Don't go scooping things out of the toilet you disgusting person. That's just weird. Anyway, what I mean is that since you're most likely Pinoy, and Pinoys have the diet stereotype of having rice in every meal.  Go convert your white rice diet to brown rice.   Why brown rice?  No, it will not DIRECTLY make you thinner(It's got about the same calories as white rice,) however,  it's got some magical juju nutrition that your body can greatly benefit from.

No, I will not list the magical jujus coz I am not your bitch, google the benefits yourself. However, I will make a simple analogy of why you should switch.  Imagine that white rice is a glass of beer, and brown rice is a glass of milk.  So, at a health (not happiness) standpoint, which is better for you?

Although both have roughly around 120 calories per serving, but the calories from the beer is what you call "empty calories", which simply adds to your overall calorie intake, without giving you the necessary nutrients to build lean macho mass(which indirectly effects how you workout, your metabolism, and overall laglag panty effect.)
 

2) Drink Like A Cow

Drink like a baby cow.  Like a kyot baby cow.  Like a black and white baby cow from Australia. No, not from the Philippines, because the cows here aren't kyot and look like they're about to die from starvation. 

What I mean by this is have a glass of milk before bed. Preferably, low-fat or skim milk.  Either way, it depends on your goal.  Why milk? First of all, it fights off the hunger pangs that haunt you every evening.   Add a scoop of protein while you're at it.   However, I will stick an umbrella up your butt and open it if you decide to dip a couple of oreos in that glass of milk.  Milk good, oreos bad... but also good.  Charap.

Second reason is, as science points out, recovery happens when you sleep.  So let's keep that casein (slow digesting protein from milk) flowing through your system to help mesh together them muscle tissues you ripped apart when you worked out this morning(that's just my illustration, your muscles don't really rip. I think.)

Third reason, is that if you drink a lot of liquid before going to bed, you might wake up in the morning wanting to go wiwi. Free alarm clock, dude. Yeah, it happens.

3) Don't be a Johnny Bravo

I'm not sure if you get my reference, if you don't, that means I'm really getting old. Damn it.  Johnny Bravo was a cartoon character from Cartoon Network and a helluva playboy that was obsessed with looking good.

It's okay to want to look aesthetically pleasing, but what I suggest is that it's better to have some functional mass on your booty first, then you add the "pampapogi" muscles.  What can you do with your muscles other than flex them?

I will humblebrag a story. When Yolanda hit, I volunteered over at the Army Gym( First humblebrag that shows I'm selfless. Hellyeah!)  I noticed that real soldiers were unloading sacks of relief goods and moving them across the gym.  I manned up and asked if I could be an epal and help out the soldiers because I didn't bring a face towel just to stick little bottles of water in a box. Nuh uh, not for me.

So I was the only civilian that joined the soldiers and I think I transferred more 60-70 pound sacks of relief goods by myself than any other soldier there who fatigued.  Some of the men asked me if I wanted to stop, but nah. I'm like an energizer bunny.  I just kept going and going. I only stopped because I had to go to class (Second humblebrag. Hellyeah again!)

Moral of the story? Build some functional mass so that you'll be able to humblebrag.  I kid! No, the moral of the story is, functional mass allows you to do more things outside the gym which can prepare you for different types of situations better than just looking pretty. Functional mass is basically mass that helps you with your daily endeavors and are those that will most probably save your life when a zombie invasion happens.  (Like if you slip off the edge of a rooftop, and you're hanging by your fingertips... you think benching 300+ pounds will save you? Not likely.)


4) Share Your Fats

People keep asking "How do you stay lean? You only eat boiled chicken breast?" No, coz that's just sad.   Eat whatever you want, just not too much of it.  You want a slice of cake? Call the waiter and order, salivate, then take a few bites. Share the rest.

What are the benefits of not being so strict with your "diet"? First, you kill the cravings which will most probably lead to binging.   Second, you won't feel deprived and want to commit suicide. Third, having a just a few NORMAL SIZED bites will most likely mean that you don't go overboard your daily caloric intake. Fourth, your friends and colleagues will think "Oh look, he's so nice. He shares. I shall introduce him to a really hot friend of mine so he can order more in the future and I get to eat for free" 

DISCLAIMER: Introduction of hot friend due to your perceived niceness is not an automatic consequence of sharing your desserts.  Kung swerte ka lang.

5) Put That Remote Down

Yes, I'm talking to you.  I've seen one too many people complaining that they're too busy to squeeze in a daily work out.  Brown person, please (I wanted to use the N word, but I might get flamed by society coz apparently, only black people can use that term. Being almost tikoy-white, I am banned from using the N word.) If you have time to TV/Series/Youtube/Facebook/Instagram, you have time to squeeze in your workout for the day.

It's the New Year, and one of your resolutions should be to scrap that "I'm too busy coz I'm an important person" attitude.  You want to be an important person in risk of a heart attack? Didn't think so.

6) Enjoy Naked Men

For the women, I bet you got all excited.  For men, don't panic.  This is a no homo title.   What this means is that always have a constant source of motivation.  Remember, consistency is key, and it's easier to be consistent when you're motivated.   Go watch a few clips from the 300 movie and remind yourself how your girl went gaga over Gerard Butler every now and then.  Book your ticket to Boracay for Labor Day so that you have a goal for summer.   Stroll inside a Healthy Options or GNC.  Buy a tub of protein shake.   I don't care how weird it gets, as long as it gets you going, brown person!

7) Quit the Fads

Females. I am talking to you.  Stop ordering those blended grass in  a bottle that taste like crap, or other "just breathe air for three days" diet cycles.  That's just impractical and dangerous.

There's a study that came out years ago regarding the lifestyles of  celebrities... It compared their actual age versus that of their physiological age(which depended on their lifestyle.)  A huge factor considered was yoyo-dieting, which basically meant that they were fat then got sexy for a role, then got fat again.   So let's say Miss Hottie was 24 years old, but her physiological age was that of a 40 year old woman because of her bad habits.  Imagine when she's 50, she'll have the physiological age of a dinosaur!!! dun dun dun!  Disgusting right?

 Looking sexy should come with being healthy.  Go for the big picture.


8) Meet Joe. Have Him Black

Once you go black, you ain't never going back.  Have you met my friend, Joe? It is said that the best version of him comes fresh from the poop of a certain breed cats. Yes. I'm talking about coffee.

Coffee is magical.  Why do I say it's got some magical juju? Well, black brewed coffee almost has zero calories.  It's the creamer and sugar that adds the extra calories, you fool.  A good cup will taste really good (but it's said to be an acquired taste. O diba, sosyal!)  It's a cheap, safe,  and reliable pre-workout drink.  No dangerous drugs or unnecessary hypes here!  It's got anti-oxidants to clean your silly cells.   It is even suggested as a perfect pair for taking creatine.  Some studies also show that taking coffee a few minutes before an intense physical activity can help burn more calories.

All in all, it's good to be black.  

9) Be a Cocky... But cautious sonuvabitch.

Always have the mindset that "I can do that too... eventually." I added the word "eventually" because being too cocky can be dangerous when it comes to working out. 

I have this friend, he-who-shall-not-be-named, who always asked for my help in the gym. However, every time I ask him to do something, he'll say "Hindi ko kaya, make it lighter! Masyadong mahirap" Hence, long-story short, he wouldn't make gains.    He-who-shall-not-be-named is a classic in all gyms, he's the guy who does what's comfortable and easy.

One of the truest things I've heard of is "You're only good at something you always do."  (That's why there's such a thing as beginners luck.) Once you're good at it, that means you're used to it. When you're used to it, then that means how your body looks is the way it's going to stay to keep doing that same shit.  If you keep doing that same shit, your body will never progress.   See the logic?

Get out of your comfort zone and be a cocky sonuvabitch.