5. 8 Truths To Remember About Being Healthy, I Shit You Not.

1) Consistency is Key, Not an Expensive Gym Membership

Ever heard of the saying "Slow and steady wins the race?"  Nothing can be truer when trying to be a better version of yourself.   People keep making excuses "Wala akong pambili ng gym membership eh", so they convince themselves that it's an excuse from living a healthy lifestyle because such revolves around having a premium pass to some Gold's Gym or Crossfit establishment.  You have to be consistent because the key to your success lies with forming a habit and maintaining that habit.

You silly person, do not be duped by celebrity endorsed establishments created to milk you of your dating money.  Gyms are convenient, but it doesn't mean that they are the end-all-be-all of being a better you. 

There are so many ways to elevate your heartrate *wink wink* Any form of exercise is better than no exercise at all(i.e., pushups, shadow boxing, body squats... which are btw, merely repackaged and sold to you in what you now know as "Insanity" woopdidoo) Think of it as an everyday installment to which you deposit a tolerable amount of time and sweat which would translate to a smaller waistline and better overall health.

2) True Fitness is Truly A Lifestyle Change

"Habit" can truly be your best friend or your worst enemy.   Think of the things you do everyday that contribute to the detriment of your fitness goals; The automated way you sit your butt on that oh so soft sofa and turn on your TV which would lead to a lethargic state; The mandatory tub of popcorn for your everyday telenobelas; Them fizzy sugar loaded energy drinks you religiously gulp to get an extra boost of energy; The extra whipped cream you top your daily overpriced coffee from that popular coffee shop.  These are the everyday things that mold your preferences and your waistline.

Staying healthy is an everyday thing. Abs today are gone tomorrow if they are not made into a daily habit. Whatever minor changes you enforce can determine whether you'd be wearing a shirt during Laboracay, or not.

3) Nutrition and Workout Go Hand In Hand

Ever tried building a house with crappy materials?  I'm pretty sure that whatever "house" you come up with will turn out crappy as well.  At this point I hope you realize that I am talking about nutrition as your "materials", and working out as the "labor" you put into building your house.   If not, kawawa ka naman, bro. Anyway, it's so evident in most commercial gyms you see people toiling to achieve their dream physique, however, their appearances do not reflect the effort they put in.

The reason for this is that "they" (hopefully, this excludes you) view the gym or whatever form of fitness they're into as a form of a "quick fix" method for the nutritional choices they make everyday.  "Yeah imma have that overhyped cronut even though I'm not hungry coz I need to show that I eat what's trendy.   I'll just do some bicep curls to turn the calories into muscles."

First of all, a cronut containing about 500 calories can't be curled out that easily.  Second, science does not work that way.  Third, bulking is an impractical way to get fit.  Fourth, cronuts aren't even that tasty. (Sorry Foodies, I just had to put it out there.)

Think about it. The average gym rat spends about an hour in a gym, three times a week.  How many times do you eat in a day?  On statistics alone, it's a losing battle.

4) Abs Are Made In the Kitchen

Congratulations! You'll be happy to know that you have "Abs".  Yes, that sought after midsection popularized by numerous motion pictures.   Have a sucky plot? Get a ripped guy to take off his shirt. Viola, Twilight. Now the sucky news, it's probably hidden. Don't worry, not everyone wants abs on their special someone. It's all a matter of preference, mah boy.

If however, you do want them seen, keep in mind that 90% of the success will come from the kitchen, not from those silly sit ups.  The 10% of it will come from actual stabilization exercises to get 'em really popping.

Personally, my logical approach to that is: "If you're not willing to change what you eat, don't bother with DIRECT abdominal training."  Meaning, hit the your core in every exercise, but don't waste your time convincing yourself that a thousand sit ups would help you get shredded. I'd rather use my energy to either get more mass, or do more cardio.  That's just my take on things, don't bust my balls about it. 

5) A Majority of the Supplement Industry Is Just Milking You

"I've got nipples, can you milk me, Greg?"  That's a line from the Meet the Fockers movie, where Robert De Niro asks Ben Stiller when the latter said he once milked a cat because it had nipples.  Well, the truth is, men can also be milked... by the supplement industry. 

Supplements help a lot, that's one thing I can't deny. Here's the thing though, the quality of a supplement does not necessarily reflect the cost.  People associate price with quality, which in a way makes sense. However, you have to realize that the reason for the higher cost comes from the marketing and advertising of whatever it is you're drinking.

Whether it be a pre-workout or post workout supplement, be wary of the fact that most of the significant difference lies in naming the product as "Microfiltered Hyrdrolized Super -filtered Monowhatchamacalit Drink"  Go ask yourself, what the hell do these things even mean? Heck, I can't even pronounce half the words.

Just realize that you're shelling out extra pesos for that placebo effect created by the creative packaging and confusing mumbo-jumbo used by most of these supplement companies.  They are notoriously unregulated.  So when looking to get supplements, do some real research and when in doubt, keep it simple. 

6) There's More Than One Way to Skin A Cat

I'm not talking about that viral video of how cute furry animals are horrendously being skinned alive.  Those people behind that thing deserve to be skinned alive themselves... but that's a whole other topic.  What I'm talking about is that you shouldn't listen to those fitness gurus who tell you: "Yeah man, my workouts are the best! You should stop doing that gay yoga thing! Calisthenics are for women!  Man, I'm telling you, unlike you, I'll be hardcore, brooo.  You should drink this! Don't drink that! What, are you serious? You cray cray!"

... I have unintentionally enraged myself thinking about the arrogant people I've had the displeasure of hearing speak.  There are two reasons why such statements enrage me;

First, before a person has a right to tell you what you should be doing, he should first consider your goals and circumstances. Not everyone wants to look like a bouncer.

Second, there is no such thing as "the BEST way", even the legendary Bruce Lee believed that to transcend to a whole new level, he had to take the best parts of every discipline and blend them all together. 

7) Always Leave Your Ego Out the Door

When I used to go to Gold's Gym, there was this fellow Xaverian who I don't personally know who worked out there.  He would get six 45 pound plates, load them to the bar, look around if people are watching(And we are, out of annoyance) and deadlift with bad form, drop em like a hot potato at every rep.  Kalokohan.  He was an accident waiting to happen. I really wish an accident happened though.

The point of this story of this... I have a lot of patience, but sometimes, some people just make me want to see them hurt themselves.  I kid, I kid!  The point is this: Always start with the basics and grow stronger a few pounds at a time. Slow and steady remember?  Although I admire the confidence a person has regarding his capabilities, that just doesn't apply to protecting your joints and tendons from snapping into two.

8) Rationalizing Will Lead You Nowhere

"Oh look, 'organic' chips! Totally good for my waistline!"
"Fat-free desserts! Perfect, I get to stay on my diet."
"Sugar-free Ice cream? Great, I'll eat a pint!"

 What do these lines have in common? They're all a form of rationalization.  You convince yourself that it's totally okay to binge on these things because of some particular words on the labels such as "organic","fat free", "sugar-free".

Now, it's totally okay to  indulge. Indulge away, my friend. But what's bothering about your indulgence is that when you go home, you tell yourself and everyone around you how your diet is, and how it's killing you and the lack of development is just hereditary.   That's just ridiculous.  No amount of reasoning in your brain will convert those unnecessary calories into vital nutrition.  Neither will your brain activity of convincing yourself that it was the right choice to eat so much organic bacon burn enough calories to actually make it come true.

4. A Crash Course In Metabolism

Ola! So some dude messaged me asking for a part 4 of my fitness tips, which was surprising coz I was pretty sure no one was reading.

I bet most people have stopped eating "healthy" either because walking around shirtless in school or office is not allowed, or because they didn't reach their sexy goals in time and decided to procrastinate til the next beach season(nag t-shirt ka sa boracay noh?) If you're the latter, listen up, because this note will cover tips on maximizing METABOLISM. Metabo-whut? Metabolism. For the purposes of this note, it is defined as that thing that helps you burn calories from the food that you eat. The higher the metabolic rate of a creature, the bigger the chance that that creature is a sexy creature. It is a super-mega-tunginuh-important concept that can make or break your fitness goals.

DISCLAIMER:  These "tips" are based on several scientific studies.  Like most scientific studies, there are those that conflict with others.  For ME, I've lived by these principles and found that they work. Feel free to not believe if you've read something which tells you different.

Let's keep things simple, shall we? 

RATE OF METABOLISM
The rate of metabolism is initially determined by heredity. That means if you come from a line of cute pudgy people, if you sit down the entire day and do absolutely nothing, and another person who came from a line of cute but not pudgy ancestors sat beside you to also do absolutely nothing, comparatively, the other person will burn more calories than you. Unfair right? So does that mean you are utterly hopeless? Of course not. The good thing about metabolism is that it can be controlled.

Burn them mothahumping jiggly salbabidas by speeding up your metabolism. How? Well, other factors that determine the rate of M is as follows :
A) age, B) lean body mass, C) diet, and D) level of physical activities.

A) AGE:
Metabolism slows down at about 5% per decade after 40(according to some reliable website I read before.) So no, slathering on a tub of Pond's Magic Youth Whatever cream will not help maintain it. What does this entail? It means you'd better learn to control your M before it starts to slow down, otherwise, the effort it would take to achieve your dream body increases the longer we wait. Can you imagine just learning how to bench press at 40 to build lean muscle(which affects the metabolic rate)? It's not impossible, but gahd the effort it will take, bro.

B) LEAN BODY MASS:
basically, the body muscle without the taba. It should always be a goal to have a high percentage of lean body mass because more muscle tissues means more calories burned. So if again, a pudgy you sat beside a not so pudgy muscle-bound gorilla man who came from a line of pudgy folks, guess who burns more calories? Ze gorilla, monsieur.

So this means that as we gain more machoness, it's easier to reach and remain sexy. From my experience, if you're lucky enough to have a gym to workout in, compound workouts will help build the needed muscle mass because several muscle groups are activated. To those black-sando-wearing newbies at the gym, I say to you: stop focusing on those bicep curls to portray machoness, you're not fooling anyone. Get down and do real overall body workouts.

C) LEVEL OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES:
Now this I find most interesting. Often I get asked, "How often do you workout, Siocolator?" to which I answer "Everyday, 4 to 5 times a week, and rest on weekends, but the workouts are usually just 15-20mins." Usually the reply is "Potaaa, nakakatamad naman yun." True, it seems daunting at first, but I shall explain why that works better than once or twice a week, 2 hours per workout.

The metabolism of a person after exercising is revved up for the next 24-36 hours. This means that for the next 24-36 hours, your supot-pedicab metabolism has now turned into a not so supot-pedicab, or maybe even turned into a full blown motorcycle. So if you spread your workouts into short bursts of intense exercises, your metabolism will not have time to slow down. If your logic is slow, this means that since there's no down time, you'll burn more calories for the entire week versus that of the other method.

Think about it. Think about how much more calories you can burn by doing that. One of the best principles I've applied to my life came from my favorite fitness guru(who I will not name coz I emailed him asking about something but hindi siya nagreply, tae siya) who said: "You can only either workout hard or workout long, but you can't do both."

So the next time you go gymming for an hour and then start strolling for 30-45mins on that treadmill, humming to the beat of Justin Bieber, ask yourself: Do I honestly believe that Ryan Reynolds got that 8 pack doing the same shit? A good work out will leave you gasping for air and cursing that donut you had for merienda. A long workout means there's no intensity, that's why you're still able to do more. Yeah sure, you get man boobs from all that heavy lifting and long rest periods, but you know what you also have? A gut.

D) DIET:
The word that brings fear in them sugar munchers. Them sugar-munchers think that proper dieting consists of not eating anything the whole day, except maybe that slice of cheesecake. " Yum. Cheese contains milk. Milk contains protein. I have rationalized it to be a healthy meal. I am brilliant. Yes. That hunger pain in my stomach is definitely burning my salbabidas. More! Mooore!"

Yes, I believe that's how the conversation in their heads go.

Three important concepts here: WHEN you eat is just as important as WHAT you eat and HOW MUCH you eat.

WHEN you eat: the usual advice is every 3-4 hours, have a meal or a snack, but don't pig out. Why this works? After 4 hours, the body goes into starvation mode. Your metabolism slows down A LOT. Yung pedicab mo nagka-flat, bro. To avoid a turnilyo in your gulong, keep the M up by having a snack ready. Another problem with starvation mode is that the first thing your body goes for nutrients is not the taba, but the hard earned muscle fibers. So the muscles are sacrificed first(I have no idea how to reverse this, please consult God Almighty, our creator.) When to eat before and after a workout is a long discussion, next time na yan.

Also, don't believe that crap that you can't eat after 7pm because it will turn into fat. Tunginuh, may relo katawan mo, bro? Bionic ka pala eh. Just don't pig out 3 hours before sleeping, but keep yourself from starving by drinking skim milk(with whey protein if extra rich ka) just before sleeping like a kyot little baby.

DISCLAIMER: Please note that there are some who don't believe about timing and resort to what they call "Intermittent Fasting."  Like I said, there are a lot of conflicting claims about fitness, and unless you've personally studied and compared the different types of theories, feel free to believe what you want to believe.

WHAT to eat is important too. WHAT to eat before and after working out is a different topic and deserves an entirely different note. On the top of my head, food that boosts metabolism are those that contain caffeine(coffee or tea), brazil nuts, hot shit like sili, cinnamon... Lots to choose from. I dare you to put them all in a blender and drink it.

What about them fat burners? Eh... Stay away from that crap. Here's the truth about fat burners: they USED to be effective because before, they contained ephedra(i think that's the name), which is the same drug used in making illegal drugs. The ephedra made them effective, but now it's been banned so they replaced the ephedra with a lot of caffeine to have that "thermogenic" whatever effect. Throw it in a fancy bottle with fancy words, viola, uto-uto ka nanaman. You'll get shivers, sure, but the effectiveness is all in your head. Cross my heart and hope to die, this is true.

HOW MUCH is a question of your size. Obviously if you're a 185 pound man, you'll need more food than that 120 pound dude. The way I explain how much is like this: every person has a bag wherein he can put food. The bag represents the amount of calories burned per day, and its size is determined by the said factors affecting metabolism. The more body mass, the bigger the bag. If your bag overspills, the amount spilled will eventually reflect how much you gain. What you gain (fat or lean muscle) is determined by the type of food you put in your bag and whether or not you work out. Simple enough? So you know your body better than anyone, and only you can assess how big your bag is.

So there, a short summary about metabolism. Hope that this helps clear things up for some people. If my notes can inspire just one person to live better, pwede na!

3. The Fatty, The Skinny, and The Lucky. Understanding Your Body Type

Hi guys, I have no idea where that picture came from, but I'm posting it here for your benefit.  Now that you have an idea about eating the right things or avoiding the wrong ones, let's continue with the sexy lessons.

BODY TYPE, AND ITS CONSEQUENCES
To start, an important question to answer is: what's my body type? This is important so you can honestly assess the effort you need to exert to get to your goal. You have to know what you're working with and adjust your LIFESTYLE according to that(lifestyle ah, meaning no short term goals through whatchamacallit diets. Don't plan to get back to being out of shape after all the hard work. ) If someone tells you to follow a certain diet guaranteed to apply to all situations, batukan mo siya and say "Gago."

We all have our own goals and challenges.

Avoiding the boring terms, there are three body types:
1) The Fatty, where I would say the most unfortunate but not hopeless. You're gonna have trouble seeing your abs.
 2) The Skinny, where everything you eat will have almost no effect on your weight gain, you'll have abs, but it'll be an effort keeping the guns pumped.
 3) The Lucky, ala Derek Ramsey, magtoothbrush lang lumalaki na biceps... Die.

I'm pretty sure you have an idea on where thou falls under, but if not, google "tests" to determine your body type. I know of one where you make balot your wrists using your middle daliri and thumb... So conyo. Gutom na ata ako, english... Depleting.

Here's what you should focus on in terms of workouts.

IF YOU'RE THE FATTY TYPE

If you're the Fatty type, you'll be at the most disadvantage. Do not lose hope, extra-effort lang katapat niyan.
This means your METABOLISM is slow, you have to focus on speeding it up. (I'll be posting about metabolism next time, which I think is one of the most important concepts EVER)

For now, your main workout should revolve around CARDIO and STRENGTH development. (Note that cardio is not all about running. There are more effective ways to get your cardio fixed. But if that's what you like doing, go ahead.) Up your cardio twice or thrice a week, first goal is to lose the flubber.

Strength development is different from MASS GAINING. The latter is more for showing off to the opposite sex. I don't suggest you put on more mass as much as the Skinny dude, you wanna look like a blimp? You develop your strength to enable you to do more EFFECTIVE workouts, and increase your metabolism due to the increase in muscles.  If you're a girl, I'm pretty sure all you'll say is "I only wanna do cardio, I don't want to look like a she-hulk." Woman, I'm telling you right now, unless you stuff yourself with testosterone and drink protein shakes with your every meal, THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN.

IF YOU'RE THE SKINNY

For the Skinny dudes, congrats, not much cardio for you. (but don't cut it out completely) You can probably eat like there's no tomorrow. Just adopt workouts that would allow you to pack on pounds. What are they? Workouts that require you to lift heavy, and allows you to rest for a min or two to be able to lift heavy again. Focus on lifting weights that would tire you after 8-12 reps. (This will not really work for the Fatty types because those guys need to keep their heart rates up during the workout).

Why 8-12 reps? Well scientists say that when you lift enough weight that allows you to fail between 8-12 reps, you use enough resistance to create what gym rats call "hypertrophy", meaning you literally increase the volume of your muscles.

I understand there would be crossfitters who would disagree about the resting period, but this is for beginners who want to look good first. Next time na yung ultimate fitness na iyan, ang mahal mahal ng membership eh.

An example of a skinny dude would be Brad Pitt, in most of his roles he looks awesome, but when you look at his workouts, they're pretty simple. He just packed on mass to his skinny frame, and viola, laglag panty mga babae. So Skinny dudes, go google compound workouts for mass gaining.


THE LUCKY

For the Lucky types.. Wtf are you still doing here, go away. You don't need this guide. Haha I kid I kid. But seriously, you don't need my help.

*I'll give more details on these concepts next time, it's good enough to know what you need to work on... and this note is getting too long.

2. You Are What You Eat, A Quick Guide To Help You Start

 

Before starting,  ask yourself,  "How much do I want this?" If your answer is "not enough to give up that frappucino I drink everyday"...  Eh...  Exit now. Go dial 8-Mcdo.   Don't worry though,  I won't suggest that you stuff yourself with bland chicken breast.  Nothing like that.  What is required however,  is that you stick to a strict diet for the next couple of months only.  When I say "strict", you stay away from fried foods, sweets, and creamy goodness.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR BOOTY
This is for you to understand how your body works.  It's like testing yourself for allergies,  by eliminating all factors, then going back to a sustainable lifestyle.  You see, unlike in other countries where the law requires nutrition charts to be posted in all restaurants,  daily calorie counting in the Philippines is next to impossible.  When you understand how much you can eat before that flab starts growing,  then you can deviate from eating healthy because you can easily get back on track.

Remember what Arnold said,  abs are made in the kitchen. (more on this later).  This section is about understanding how/why you get fat, in the simplest way.  Give a man a fish,  he'll eat for a day.  Teach him how to fish,  he'll eat for life.  Nuks, I forgot where I read that from, probably the bible. I don't know.

QUESTION AND ANSWER PORTION
Q: What about those diet fads, why don't I just do that?
A: Those don't work,  and even if they do,  it won't last.  Who wants to spend thousands of pesos to be 'healthy'  for a couple of weeks.  You do know you'll still be alive when that skinny phase ends,  right?  They don't work coz as soon as it ends, you'll be lost in the dark right after. Iwan ka pa ng bagong girl/boyfriend mo pagtumaba ka ulit.

Tip: Read about nutrition, even just a little bit.  Knowing the enemy is half the battle.  (di ko rin alam saan ko nakuha yan, please don't cite me for plagiarism.)

I don' t recommend using calorie counting as a tool.  Hassle eh. Just keep in mind,  you gain weight when you eat more than you burn,  you lose weight when you burn more than you eat. What you gain will depend on the quality of calories you eat.  An illustration would be: eating the same amount of calories in cupcakes vs chicken, beef, veggies.  Who do you think will look better?

The easiest thing to do is to figure out the hidden extra calories in your daily feeding time(parang baboy lang eh nh?)  you don't have to abstain from them,  but be wary.

Q: What are these 'hidden calories'?
- Most important: Learn to read labels.  You don't have to be technical about it,  just be aware of the amount of servings each container has before chowing down.  Usually, a drink would post that it's around 100 calories per serving, then you go "Oh that's not so bad, Imma down this bitch." Then, when you double check, that bitch be like "Servings per container: 10" Whodabitchnowww?

- Cut down on juices, no matter how 'healthy' they claim to be. That's just to dupe silly people to drinking more. Whodatsillyperson?  You dat silly person.
Fruits are made from fructose,  which is basically sugar.  A gram of sugar is about 4calories, do the math. Those sugars make you fat.

- Those ubergood frappucinos are made from more sugar.  Understand that 'fat-free' is better healthwise, although unhealthy fats do contain the evil calories that create them cupcakes on your waist,   drinking "fat-free" won't really help you see those abs.  Sugar is the enemy.

- Condiments.  Things that make life oh so good.  Remember,  ketchup/catsup is made of sugar.  Mayo (the white thing,  not the chinese word),  I haven't checked but I hear it's got as much calories or carbs as a cup of rice.  I forget, which. If you can't stand bland food, go learn to love spice.  Certain spices are said to speed up metabolism and are pretty low in calories.

- Fried food.  Bakit masarap ang bawal? (wink wink) Basically, frying food doubles/triples its calories because the oil gets absorbed in the food and you end up eating it. Nope, wiping it with them blue Gatsby oil absorbing thingies won't help. Save it for your fez or the fez of your oily friend.

Q: On carbs,  why are they so 'bad'? 

A: Sugar is basically carbs. Well they're bad because they're stripped of the nutrition that your body needs for recovering,  and just add to your daily calorie intake.

There's such a thing as 'good'  carbs.  These are the whole wheat bread, brown rice, etc. They're better than their white counter part because they haven't been processed, theoretically,  eating this version of carbs allows you to stay fuller longer,  hence,  less overall calories. Plus,they have the nutrition needed for that oh so sexybody.  Be careful of those fake wheat breads.  Look for the word "whole wheat"  rather than just "wheat bread".  These fakes are still made of white flour.  Wolf in sheeps'  clothing.  Simply put,  the latter is just like white rice,  painted brown.

Q: On protein?
A: Protein, as everyone knows,  are the building blocks of our muscles. To figure out what are carbs vs. protein, as a GENERAL RULE,  let me quote Stallone: "If it ever had a face, it's protein." wtf ba?  Here,  what do cows,  fishes,  and chickens have in common?  A FACE.  If you ask me "What if I behead a chicken,  will it turn to pure carbs?"...  I will behead you myself.

So which source of protein is better?  The lesser feet,  the better.  In this case,  fish.  If you argue: "But fish never had feet." Magpapatayan na tayo.
Be careful of eating too much tuna though,  they contain mercury,  and might not be advisable to eat so much.

Exception to the "face" rule however,  are peanuts and some beans.  So peanut butter is your friend,  but don't buy the local  ones because they tend to put too much sugar,  which would defeat the purpose. Plus,  they're high caloric food, so it's not an excuse to finish a jar,  or eat more Reese's pieces.

So how do all these work?  Imagine that protein are bricks to the house you're building,  and carbs are the workers that delivers the bricks to their proper place.  Don't cut out the carbs,  just minimize the 'bad'  ones. Without carbs, recovery would be hampened.  Cutting out carbs would leave your muscles flat,  and low energy.

So there,  these are the basics that you can use to slowly but surely get you to your ideal fitness level.  I hope you learned something,  and I plan to post more on workout principles that you can apply,  depending on how this is received.  Kung wala naman kasing nagbabasa,  pointless.  Hehe

1. Fitness for the Everyday-Filipino

Ola, friends!  Since several people have been asking me about keeping in shape, I decided to write about it here.  This will tackle the usual questions and answers.  These "tips"  are made to apply to girls, boys,  baklas and tomboys.

WHY READ THIS?
First,  I promise to keep it interesting by taking out the hard to pronounce caloric mumbo jumbo but still make it educational(why? Coz it's boring, calculating it will be tedious and most likely inaccurate.)  Second, the things that I will hopefully be able to communicate are those which are adapted to the typical Filipino lifestyle.  Let's face it, in a third world country (oh wait, the politically correct term is "Developing") the conditions are just too different, the most basic conveniences available in "Developed" nations aren't available.

WHAT TO EXPECT?
This site will PROBABLY not contain workouts,  rather it will contain principles that you can adjust and  apply to yourself since according to our mommy and daddy,  we're all unique special.  Yaaay. I don't believe that there's a 'best workout'.  Do what works for you, do it with passion, and do it well.  Boom.  Sexy for life.

WHO AM I?
Who am I to start giving out advice? I probably can't out-bench the gorilla in the gym. Currently,  I workout with zero equipment and haven't benched for the longest time.  I probably can't outlast  that sunburned tri-athlete.  I believe that if ever get into some fight or trouble,  I'd aim to finish it in 2 mins or less,  than run away for the next hour or so.  I'm a student, doing home workouts, with not much time for social events coz of the workload, but I'm equipped with workout principles that one can take into consideration to make that sonuvabitch evasive fitness goal,  attainable.  I have not reached the pinnacle of fitness, and I will never be that arrogant to claim to have reached such a goal.

WHO THIS WEBSITE IS FOR?
This is for the regular guy who wants to have that "yeah-I-take- care-of-myself" look,  maybe for the next couple of years. This is a guide to a sustainable gut-free lifestyle. This is for the guy who wants to look good in a shirt and look better without one.  No branded shirt can make a guy look as good as simply having a good body frame. True story.

If you're already a mean lookin', nail-munching bad ass, no, this is not for you.  Please make your own fitness site so I can pick your brains.

WHY MAKE THIS NONSENSE?
Why I made this?  I want to inspire my friends in developing themselves. You have one life (unless you believe in reincarnation, but chances are you'll still be out of shape when you get reborn.) Wouldn't you want to look the best you can? Plus, at the time of this writing, it's traffic so I'm stuck in Ortigas.

Beach season's not til April you say?  Fool.  Unless you're Rain from the Ninja Assassin with a 24hr trainer,  you won't make it next season. Any significant changes will occur in 3months, and dramatic changes can happen in 6. Just in time for the beach. So read on.  And no,  I don't plan to leave you short and sell you anything.

Next note will be about pigging out.

"Anti-Rich" Comments

I think I've just read too many "Anti-rich" comments from that Xaverian's blog regarding his immersion experience as a bagger-boy in SM. His blog was well written, respectful and appreciative of his unique experience. (Link below) So here's my two cents about the silly comments I read.

First of, let me define what being a "Jejemon" is. A jejemon is a person who uses his sad situation in life to justify the violation of the equal rights of his fellowmen through inconsiderate acts and irrational arguments. That is my version of jejemon, nothing more nothing less. It's not about what you have in your bank account, it just so happens that most of them are clad in basketball jerseys and have placed a ridiculous rainbow cap right on top of their heads, at tambay ng eskinita.

Allow me to point out the most common comments:

1) "Do not objectify poor people, hindi ito 'zoo'."

A zoo is where people go to observe animals. Xaverians don't go standing around the SM grocery and simply observe people working. Kaya nga 'immersion' eh. We put in the work the same way every regular employee does in order to inculcate in ourselves that "Hey, remember how hard it was to be a regular blue collar worker? We should set better policies to uplift them."

Whatever 'special treatment' we received was due to the kind understanding of the SM employees that it was our first time to experience bagging groceries, hence, we had to be taught the ropes to be efficient.

To the jejemons who think like this, I'm pretty sure you all smell like animals and trust me when I say, I have no desire to 'observe' you. Please lang. I have too many beautiful family and friends that I would rather look at than you.

2) "Bagger boy lang? Dapat pawalisin yan ng mga kalsada sa eskinita!"

Eh kung ikaw kaya magwalis ng tapat ng sarili mong bahay? Why don't you clean up your own yard rather than just squat by the sidewalk sucking on rugby fumes? How about you get one of your fifty children to clean your own streets?

The intangible effect of impressing the true conditions of a blue collar worker will do more to affect these future leaders than sweeping the front steps of your house, you lazy ass. The purpose of the immersion is not to serve the marginalized people, but rather to open the eyes of the sheltered youth in the hope of bearing fruit that social conditions will improve in the future. If you still don't understand that, please, stop breeding. Chances are, your kid will be as dumb as you.

3)"4 days lang immersion nila? Babalik din sila sa masarap nilang buhay! Walang kwenta"

Well you ignorant jejemon, kung ikaw nga ayaw mo yung buhay mo, bakit naman sila makikipagpalit sayo? I'm sorry but what kind of argument is that?

If the very purpose of your existence is to survive in a miserable manner, and you have no desire to improve your lifestyle, then I feel sorry for you. If, however, you desire to live a comfortable life, then you sir, are a hypocrite towards those who already achieved that goal. So to whoever made that argument, please, just roll over and die. Really, save us from your carbon dioxide and future spawns.

To Carlos Celdran, you drugged up motherfucker, who the hell do you think you are picking on high school kids whose only fault was to be born in a well off family? If ever your post was just a misunderstanding, choose your words more wisely, otherwise, just shut the fuck up. Forgive my french, but no one bashes my alma mater.

I'm Ronaldo Sioco and I'm from Xavier School, bitch.

The blog: http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/131783/my-stint-as-an-sm-grocery-bagger

Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 3)

1) Smile At Your Biggest Critics, They Usually Don't Know Better

After seeing the latest installment of the Wolverine movie, I knew right away that people would start bashing Hugh Jackman for his physique.  Instead of applauding his dedication to give health conscious individuals an ideal body to strive for, them "internet experts" started criticizing him saying "Wolverine forgot to do leg-day."  ...Yes, coz one of the most famous action stars in the world who can hire the best personal trainers, hired one that doesn't believe in "leg-day." Really???  I daresay that these internet experts forgot to do something too, and that's to keep their ignorant criticisms to themselves. 

What these "internet experts" failed to understand is that Hugh Jackman, like all human beings, is affected by something called genetics.  In fact, there's a picture of him deadlifting so much weight that the olympic bar he was using was actually bending. Any trainer worth his salt knows that you can't do a perfect deadlift without using your legs because it's an overall body exercise. I bet that if any of these "internet experts" actually tried lifting the same weight, they would split in half and die. 

In today's technological advancement, it's easy to feel like an expert, but learn to recognize that you're only an expert in Google-ing. You've done it, I've done it, we've all done it. Heeyay, we have something in common.  Anyway, the problem starts when people let things get to their heads and pass judgment on things they know not much about after google-ing or reading an article of another opinionated ignoramous.  Usually, there's a logical reason why someone's the way they are(either it be physical, mental, or emotional), and no amount of Google-ing can give you a 360 degree view on the matter. 

So son, face your biggest critics, give a beauty-pageant wave, and smile.  You know better.

2) One Secret to Happiness Is Learning To Make Fun of Yourself

Back in grade school, I was one of the most tempermental persons ever.  It came to a point where I would be so angry that I could almost blackout.  Looking back, the some of the reasons for my hulk-like rage were because... Tinawag akong "Siokoy"(due to my last name) or "baboy", (due to my weight.)   I didn't realize that my ultra-senstivity was just a form of insecurity and my fits actually attracted more insults than repelled them. 

I remember, during one of the school-fairs by ICA(an all-girl school), I decided to make "paporma" by wearing an all-white outfit. I wore a white shirt with a pair of white jeans, and white sneakers... I looked like a rolled-up table napkin. It's safe to conclude that I didn't get any phone numbers. In my defense, si Nick Carter naman kasi eh, sinuot niya yun dati. (Kaya malaki galit ko dun eh.) No one told me that my face actually needed to look like Nick Carter's before I could pull it off. Wala eh, Ronaldo Sioco lang.

Why am I divulging this embarrassment? Well I learned to make fun of myself and removed most, if not all of my insecurities.  So what if I looked like an extra-long piece of cotton bud? No one gets it right the first time, and it also makes for a good "Remember When" story. All of the idiosyncrasies you'll ever commit are things that will teach you lessons, give you something to chuckle about when you're making "muni-muni", and are basically small parts of the sum that makes you who you are. 

Make silly mistakes, breathe it in, and learn to laugh about it.

3)  Rejections and Break-Ups Are Stepping Stones

Let me tell you a story about a girl. The first girl I ever decided to feebly court.  She was a cute athletic mestiza girl that I met through a friend. I was in Lala land when I thought about her face, and dreamt of HHWW('Holding Hands While Walking', usong term dati) It was the purest form of puppy love. I saved up my daily allowance of Php 50 pesos, not eating anything the whole day, just so I could buy her a pendant and an apple shaped picture frame because she was the "Apple of my eye."... Okay, that apple part was one of my biggest regrets in life.

I had my gift sent through a friend, and the little boy in me started fantasizing of the dates that were to come.  When I had an opportunity to see her again... pucha, di pala niya ako natatandaan. I was crushed.  I thought about her everyday, day and night, and the only thing she knew about me was zilch. I think I actually destroyed my cassette tape of 98 Degrees from repetitive listening to "Invisible Man." I thought that I would never love again.

What's the point of this? Rejections and break-ups are a part of life. No matter how critical they may seem at the moment, it does not make it the end of the world when they happen.  In fact, they are stepping stones to a better and a more 'certain' you.  What I mean by that is they mold you to improve on yourself because it teaches you what you lack as a partner, and unearths issues that need fixing for any relationship to eventually survive.  It leads to a more 'certain' you as well because each relationship is an experience that will lead you to narrow down on what you really want in your significant other. 

Finding what you really want in your special someone is like a sculpture that you chip away at, bit by bit.  A "work in progress" to which you have a slight idea of what you eventually want it to be, but never certain of it until you actually get there.  It's not going to be easy.  You will sweat, cry, bleed and feel pain for it, but guess what? In the end, it's going to be beautiful.

Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 2)

Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 2) 

1) Never Let Anyone Dictate What You Are Capable Of

Back in grade school, my teacher gave us an assignment;  we had to write a story to express our creativity.  I decided to create a comic book of a cross breed between Ghost Rider and Spiderman. Sketched with a sign pen, it had panels and speech bubbles, with quite a sensible story. May shading-shading pa, o diba? My comic book was amazing, especially for a grade schooler.  I was like Stan Lee with boogers.

After submitting, my teacher accused me of having someone else make it for me.  She even called my parents just to make "sumbong" that my chubby hands were not capable of such art work and that no way could a grade school kid make up such a story line... That epal, I would have gotten so angry if she wasn't such a cute teacher.  Ehem, Miss Felix, single ka pa rin ba? You are forgiven and I am old enough. You will not go to jail.  Aheehee.

Anyway,with her actions, she crushed my heart, nilagyan ng Ajinomoto, at pinakain sa aso.  After that, although I don't remember being particularly upset, I stopped writing.  If I never stopped writing, maybe I could have been the guy who wrote One More Chance, or On the Job.  Instead, I keep writing these ridiculously long Facebook statuses that my friends complain about. Now we'll never know. 

Never let anyone tell you what you're capable of. Will Smith said it best in that movie Pursuit of Happyness. He can deliver a line that will strike your soul.  He said to his son: "Don't ever let somebody tell you you can't do something,  not even me. You've got a dream, you've got to protect it. When people can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you 'you can't do it.'  You want something, go get it. Period."  Dayummm, my balahibo is nakatayo all over the place.

2) Failure Is Acceptable But Giving Up Isn't

When I was forced to transfer from Ateneo Law School to San Beda Mendiola(because of a ridiculously unfair motherhumper of a professor), I had to start all over again.  After everything has sunk in, I cried. I cried once, for around five minutes,  and dusted myself off.  People told me that maybe I should  take a break, or maybe transfer to an "easier" school so I didn't have to start over again. I told them no. If this is what it takes to reach my destiny, damn it, I will take the road less traveled and I will take it now.

Kid, in this life you will be tested. If you're lucky, it'll be like a dental check up.  If not, it might feel like a full blown prostate exam. Oh God, the image I just put in my brain. Anyway, I can't tell you how many times I have failed in my endeavors. Minsan talaga sabaw tatay mo eh,pero usually malas lang (Lalo na sa chinese subjects niya. I still don't like you, Lao Sher!) I am far from a success story, not yet, but like most success stories, what people don't see is the path of thorns and pits that these determined individuals had to run through and climb out of to get there.

The way I see it, the only valid reason to give up is when you stopped wanting whatever it is you're aiming for.  Hey, even the Dark Knight had to get his back broken before he saved Gotham, right? So Ben Affleck, use your cleft chin properly and don't ruin him.

3) Love Fearlessly

Let me tell you a story about a girl.  At the time, I thought she was everything I wanted.   In our particular situation, she was off limits because of our social setting.  It would have been a violation of the all important Bro Code and a violation of my own principles.  Hey, the heart wants what it wants, right?  Soldier of love eh. So with the purest of intentions, sumugod ako... right into a mine field.   It blew up in my face! Idjot, sobrang idjot talaga.  For a time I lost my closest friends and realized that the person I fell for wasn't actually her.  Who I fell for was a mere idea of her.  

Do I regret my decision to fight the good fight? Heck no,  ultimate Soldier of Love talaga eh.  I learned what I had to learn, and I am not left with the haunting "What if?" question.  It allows you to move on to the next potential "the One", without reservation.  Whether or not you get the girl after giving it everything you've got, you will grow as a person and mature, realize what you truly want, and hopefully, move a step closer to the true love of your life.

Son, love fearlessly, jump through the hoops of fire and fight the dragon guarding the princess.  You won't regret it. 

  

Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 1)

People I know around me are either getting married, got married, or are pregnant. So napamuni-muni ako, and I decided to list lessons I want my future kid to take into heart before I forget them. I will prolly print this out in the future and make my kid read it, or otherwise, I will threaten to make pakpak his pwet.


Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 1) 

1) You can’t always have what you want, but you can always make the best of what you already have.

For example, when I was younger, Brad Pitt became a household name. I remember praying to God asking him to make me as powgi as papa Brad when I grow up so the girls will be swooning all over me... Pucha, ginawa ba naman akong kamukha ni Jeremy Lin. 

Thanks, Lord, medyo malayo ah. But hey, it’s all good. I got over the fact that I will never be the cover of GQ, or at least be a “Candy Cutie”. I just made sure I always smelled nice, had a complete tinga-free set of teeth, and kept the world from seeing the bacon-ing garter of my underwear. Son, keep that in mind and you’ll do fine. Trust me.

2) Never compromise who you are to fit in with “cool” people.
I remember back in grade school, while everyone was “into” head-banging noisy music, I was listening to the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync. People would judge my manliness because I listened to music that made girls go “ERMYGAHD I LOVE YOU NICK CARTEEER! ANAKAN MO NA AKO!!!”

Years later, when we’re all hanging out in a bar somewhere that plays 90s music, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE was singing along to BSB and N’Sync songs. Complete with effin' hand pumping gestures from their MTVs. Seriously? People gave me such a hard time for listening to “gay” songs and it turned out everyone knew every line of every verse of “As Long As You Love Me”. May chair action pa kayong nalalaman. Motherthumpers.

Son, do what I did. Never let “cool” people dictate who you are and what you want in life. They are full of crap. Never succumb to peer pressure, and just let them think what they want to think. Recently I’ve been enjoying the music of One Direction. People can Judge me for liking “gay” music, but I don't care coz I’ve got balls and it's bigger than theirs.

3) Respect the elderly and always be a gentleman, it never goes out of style.

Son, if there’s one thing that you need to understand, your biceps aren’t there just so that you can flex and impress them girlaloos. Cramps lang aabutin mo diyan.

You’ll get the job done better by opening doors for them, helping them carry their things, sacrificing your behind on getting wet so that that your umbrella properly covers them, and giving up your seat even if that means you’ll have to remain standing. That also applies to them cute old people, you don’t need to want to date them before you help them out.

An Open Letter To Our Pinoy Commuters:

Dear Ma'ams and Sirs,

This is regarding your complaints about the current implementations by the Government to have some form of control over the years, wait, no, decades of abuse and laziness. I would like to say, F U. F U for the following reasons:

1) "Ano ba yan, ngayon kailangan ko pa maglakad."
Tunginuh you. Bawal kalyohin paa mo, teh? Huwag choosy pag-hindi yummy. In your case, bawal magpakasosyal ang hindi sosy. Go put on some deodorant or tawas, get a freakin' face towel, and start walking to the proper loading/unloading zone. You want to have the benefits of having a car? Then go buy one. Oh that's right, you can't afford a freakin' car. If you can't afford a car, that means you aren't rich enough to demand freedom from any physical exertion, you lazy-ass mother thumpin' piece of TAE( Taong Ayaw mag-Effort). Either get a boyfriend with a freakin' car, o magpa-buhat ka sa kanya. Di ka kayang buhatin? Odi magpapayat ka.

Take me for example, I park and walk a good 10-15mins to the nearest train station while lugging around a 35 pound bag. Do I need to take a freakin train? No, but I don't choose to act like a freakin' prima donna and bitch about it. Masmaarte pa kayo sa may kaya eh.

2) Years Of Wrong Don't Make It Right
So for decades you've been dodging cars along EDSA just to catch a stupid bus. Such practice has gone on for so long that the MMDA was forced to put up a chicken fence for us human beings. A CHICKEN EFFIN' FENCE. Years of getting away with being lazy does not justify your actions nor preclude changing for the better. We're probably the only country in the civilized universe who needs herding. The retarded thing is, you people still jump the freakin' fence. Da f*ck, right.

3) Para Kayong China
You silly people are acting like those mainland morons who make cancerous milk products. Similarly, it doesn't mean that you are the majority, or in China's case, the "Bigger" body, makes you correct and gives you the right to inconvenience the rest of the population. "Public Transportation", contrary to popular belief, was not intended to benefit just the people who cannot afford cars. It's intended to benefit the entire population by making traveling efficient and effective.

Sincerely,
Someone who hates you all so much for all your mentally deficient reasoning.

P.S. If you are insulted, please understand that I don't effin' care. You can take your anger and stick it up your ass. Have a great day.

A Country is a Reflection of Its Transportation System

Since everyone has been so angry about the latest "brilliant" MMDA proposal regarding the two-day color coding system, I decided to repost something I wrote months ago. Uso pa ata yung RH Bill debate nun. It's an old one, but I guess still timely, considering the circumstances.

If this were a thesis, my statement would be:
A Country is a Reflection of Its Transportation System:

Why, you ask? Similar to actual life in the Metro, when you step out of the comfort and safety of your home, condo, office or computer shop (if you happen to be in one as of the moment) and what do you experience?
The real world. It's dirty, congested, dangerous and full of rules that no one really seems to follow.

First we have the public transportation populous. These are the jeepneys and buses representing the underprivileged. Iyung nagpapatugtog ng "Spaghetti Song" at "Dota o Ako?" They're loud, unruly, and there's a lot of them. A Lot. So much that if this were a tiangge, 'buy one take two' na. I guess when one does not have an iPad to play with... Lam na. Most of them justify their actions for their daily needs in life.

They feel entitled to be above the rules of society because they were already dealt with a bad hand. They don't care about those around them as long as they get what they need, and there's nothing we can do about it because there's almost nothing to take away from them. "Oh, there's a 'No Loading/Unloading' sign? Let me stop just in front of it so I can read it while passengers board my awesome-dragon-ball-Z painted love machine." We go woozah na lang, then tweet "die jejemon, dieee!"

Also we have the private sector; these are the cars other than the abovementioned. If you happen to be driving, look to your left. That guy in the Honda picking his nose, yep, that's who I'm talking about. These are the people ranging from the "medyo" poor to average. They follow the rules but will probably break them if they could get away with it. The "medyo" poor to average are more law abiding because they have enough in life to lose, but not enough to be above the rules. These are the people who tweet about the jejemon that just cut him off.

Then we have the influential and omfg-sarap-mong-kidnapin rich. These are the cars that cost more than the average house. They have either the power or the money to be the Kings of the Road (sometimes Wang-wang equipped, police escorted epaloids) They have their fingers in everything, and can't be apprehended... If apprehended, one of those fingers, will form a big F U sign coz they can afford it(Robert Carabuena thought he was one of them, di pala. I feel you, bro.)

Let's not forget about the traffic enforcers, those uniformed "public servants". They represent our leaders. A few good ones, a lot of bad. They direct the flow of this country through legislation, keeping everyone in check. Without them, this chaos would be more chaotic. They should be respected, but sometimes you just want to go Carabuena on them. Sometimes they actually know what they're doing, but sometimes they just quote bloggers, twisting things to fit their cause (Tito Sotto, I am talking about you, you kapal-faced person). Parang babae; can't live with them, can't live without them... But since they lack the sexy curves and boobies, just two words: necessary evil.

Finally, we have the pot holes. Often, unexpected and undeserved by the law abiding citizen. They either happen because someone did not do their job right, or we were just too lazy to avoid it, or force majeure(that's just a fancy term for Act of God. Never heard of it? Try riding one of our local airlines, uso iyan dun.) These pot holes can merely annoy us or devastate us, depending on the damage to our car(which is a metaphor for our lives, in case you still don't get it. If you still don't, why da puck are we still friends? Just kidding, wag sensitive.)

So with all this negativity in our attempt to traverse the great EDSA, what do have left to look forward to? With all the randomness, some people stay for the long drive, most just for the short trip. Amidst the epals and epaloids, we can choose who we want to ride with in this journey; our passengers can either be our family, our friends, and our significant other. They make our lives more exciting, more meaningful, and sometimes just laugh-out-loud funny, making the ride worth it.
This is just my take on how life is like in the Philippines, and hopefully it makes some sense.

Disclaimer: any resemblance to actual life is purely coincidental, except to Tito Sotto. No amount of cosmic supernatural 'invisible hand' thingamajig can come together to replicate the level of idiocy that lolo-wolverine-wannabe has shown.

2012

Pinoy Mindsets That I Really Do Not Understand

Sales person: Hi sir, welcome. Feel free to look around as I watch you like a hawk and stand beside you really close. Gusto ko sobrang lapit. Ayan maamoy ko na batok mo. Baka magnanakaw ka kasi eh. Pero I'm sure this is the most effective way to sell you shit you don't really need. 

Manong Jeepney: Bossing, i-cucut lang kita para tumigil sa harap mo! Ops, bawal magalit, nilawit ng konduktor ko yung paa niya, pwede na ako magswerve. Ahihihi. I have a right to be a nuisance since I was not born with a silver spoon. Spork lang, plastic pa. Saka bored nanaman kami ni missis kaya gumawa nanaman kami ng anak na hindi namin mapapakain. Also, let me stop in the pinakamasikip of masikip na eskinita so I do not hassle just one lane, but two! Wala naman kwenta yung "No loading/unloading sign" na iyan eh, look at me, I'm loading and unloading at walang paki si manong MMDA! Yes, my needs are more important than the safety and efficiency of the transportation system because you are rich and I am poor.

Manong MMDA: Ser, you are a private vehicle so it will be easier to hassle your masel. And I get neck pains when I turn my head to the direction of traffic violating buses and jeepneys, so ikaw nalang, ser! I have stopped you because... Ser, di bagay yung sando mo sa luob ng kotse. I will attempt to scare you with a ten thousand peso fine because I think I am smarter than you. Do you not see how well I tucked in my blue polo in my cargo shorts? May leather shoes pa, diba? That is the look of a really smart person, ser! Pero ser, pagmukha kang nagiisip ng konti, 'have a good day' nalang, ser!

Anti-smoke Belching Unit: Ser, you're in violation of the anti-smoke belching law since you're driving a diesel engine, bago o luma! You have to wait in line behind those ten other vehicles that I plan to ask for "lagay". It doesn't matter if it's totally discriminatory ser, nor the fact that you had clearance from the LTO! Nakita mo yung mataba kong kaibigan? Expert iyan sa emission testing, kita mong nagagawa niya trabaho niya habang nangungulangot! Di na kailangan mag-isip! Dibale nang walang pumapasa sa testing, ser, kailangan ko ng pang-coke eh!

Manong Guard: Halt! I shall inspect the belly of your vehicle because I'm sure it's the most convenient way of storing bombs. Pero isang side lang ha, masakit na paa ko kakaikot. Then, let me inspect your trunk and slam it shut just for the heck of it! After months of doing such effective safety routines, I now have super powers to determine the contents of the boxes and bags in your trunk without opening them. As you enter the establishment, let me run my hand up and down your nipple and pusod because I really think violating your personal space is a good way of saving lives! Don't worry, sir, I will pretend you're a woman so this won't be so awkward.
I will also violently stab your bag with my magic wand to determine if you're a threat while I make chismis with my co-hero about the latest Marian-Dingdong telenobela. Yes, I have totally protected this establishment.

Parking-Skwater: Koya, you should give me an unreasonably big tip for uselessly waving my arms and putting myself in harm's way by standing behind your vehicle! Da effort, koya, da effort! Nevermind the fact that you would have seen the empty slot without my help since I'm restraining myself from scratching your car with the ice pick in my pocket. Pota, bente lang? 40 pesos yung parking fee dito, akin yung kalsada kasi dito ako pinalaki. Saka hello, kailangan ko ng pambili ng hair dye, nabubura na yung pagka-blonde ko. Pakyu, ang kuripot mo! Pakyu!

Yes, more fun in the Philippines.