6. 9 Lifestyle Changes for the Year 2014

Happy New Yeaaar! So it's 2014.  The image of a hot girl doing push ups on a medicine ball has nothing to do with the new year, I just put it there coz she's hot.

Anyway, I've seen numerous Facebook statuses about how people will "change for the better" for this year.  Whether it be about wealth management, contributing to society, or improved health, good luck. *Clap clap clap* I do hope this year's list was different from last year, or else, I shall dub thee, a Poser.  

I find that wanting to change(for the better) is awesome, so allow me to list a couple of things you can change in your daily life that will help you with your fitness goals... and no, liposuction is not the way to go.

1)  Eat Brown Shit

Don't go scooping things out of the toilet you disgusting person. That's just weird. Anyway, what I mean is that since you're most likely Pinoy, and Pinoys have the diet stereotype of having rice in every meal.  Go convert your white rice diet to brown rice.   Why brown rice?  No, it will not DIRECTLY make you thinner(It's got about the same calories as white rice,) however,  it's got some magical juju nutrition that your body can greatly benefit from.

No, I will not list the magical jujus coz I am not your bitch, google the benefits yourself. However, I will make a simple analogy of why you should switch.  Imagine that white rice is a glass of beer, and brown rice is a glass of milk.  So, at a health (not happiness) standpoint, which is better for you?

Although both have roughly around 120 calories per serving, but the calories from the beer is what you call "empty calories", which simply adds to your overall calorie intake, without giving you the necessary nutrients to build lean macho mass(which indirectly effects how you workout, your metabolism, and overall laglag panty effect.)
 

2) Drink Like A Cow

Drink like a baby cow.  Like a kyot baby cow.  Like a black and white baby cow from Australia. No, not from the Philippines, because the cows here aren't kyot and look like they're about to die from starvation. 

What I mean by this is have a glass of milk before bed. Preferably, low-fat or skim milk.  Either way, it depends on your goal.  Why milk? First of all, it fights off the hunger pangs that haunt you every evening.   Add a scoop of protein while you're at it.   However, I will stick an umbrella up your butt and open it if you decide to dip a couple of oreos in that glass of milk.  Milk good, oreos bad... but also good.  Charap.

Second reason is, as science points out, recovery happens when you sleep.  So let's keep that casein (slow digesting protein from milk) flowing through your system to help mesh together them muscle tissues you ripped apart when you worked out this morning(that's just my illustration, your muscles don't really rip. I think.)

Third reason, is that if you drink a lot of liquid before going to bed, you might wake up in the morning wanting to go wiwi. Free alarm clock, dude. Yeah, it happens.

3) Don't be a Johnny Bravo

I'm not sure if you get my reference, if you don't, that means I'm really getting old. Damn it.  Johnny Bravo was a cartoon character from Cartoon Network and a helluva playboy that was obsessed with looking good.

It's okay to want to look aesthetically pleasing, but what I suggest is that it's better to have some functional mass on your booty first, then you add the "pampapogi" muscles.  What can you do with your muscles other than flex them?

I will humblebrag a story. When Yolanda hit, I volunteered over at the Army Gym( First humblebrag that shows I'm selfless. Hellyeah!)  I noticed that real soldiers were unloading sacks of relief goods and moving them across the gym.  I manned up and asked if I could be an epal and help out the soldiers because I didn't bring a face towel just to stick little bottles of water in a box. Nuh uh, not for me.

So I was the only civilian that joined the soldiers and I think I transferred more 60-70 pound sacks of relief goods by myself than any other soldier there who fatigued.  Some of the men asked me if I wanted to stop, but nah. I'm like an energizer bunny.  I just kept going and going. I only stopped because I had to go to class (Second humblebrag. Hellyeah again!)

Moral of the story? Build some functional mass so that you'll be able to humblebrag.  I kid! No, the moral of the story is, functional mass allows you to do more things outside the gym which can prepare you for different types of situations better than just looking pretty. Functional mass is basically mass that helps you with your daily endeavors and are those that will most probably save your life when a zombie invasion happens.  (Like if you slip off the edge of a rooftop, and you're hanging by your fingertips... you think benching 300+ pounds will save you? Not likely.)


4) Share Your Fats

People keep asking "How do you stay lean? You only eat boiled chicken breast?" No, coz that's just sad.   Eat whatever you want, just not too much of it.  You want a slice of cake? Call the waiter and order, salivate, then take a few bites. Share the rest.

What are the benefits of not being so strict with your "diet"? First, you kill the cravings which will most probably lead to binging.   Second, you won't feel deprived and want to commit suicide. Third, having a just a few NORMAL SIZED bites will most likely mean that you don't go overboard your daily caloric intake. Fourth, your friends and colleagues will think "Oh look, he's so nice. He shares. I shall introduce him to a really hot friend of mine so he can order more in the future and I get to eat for free" 

DISCLAIMER: Introduction of hot friend due to your perceived niceness is not an automatic consequence of sharing your desserts.  Kung swerte ka lang.

5) Put That Remote Down

Yes, I'm talking to you.  I've seen one too many people complaining that they're too busy to squeeze in a daily work out.  Brown person, please (I wanted to use the N word, but I might get flamed by society coz apparently, only black people can use that term. Being almost tikoy-white, I am banned from using the N word.) If you have time to TV/Series/Youtube/Facebook/Instagram, you have time to squeeze in your workout for the day.

It's the New Year, and one of your resolutions should be to scrap that "I'm too busy coz I'm an important person" attitude.  You want to be an important person in risk of a heart attack? Didn't think so.

6) Enjoy Naked Men

For the women, I bet you got all excited.  For men, don't panic.  This is a no homo title.   What this means is that always have a constant source of motivation.  Remember, consistency is key, and it's easier to be consistent when you're motivated.   Go watch a few clips from the 300 movie and remind yourself how your girl went gaga over Gerard Butler every now and then.  Book your ticket to Boracay for Labor Day so that you have a goal for summer.   Stroll inside a Healthy Options or GNC.  Buy a tub of protein shake.   I don't care how weird it gets, as long as it gets you going, brown person!

7) Quit the Fads

Females. I am talking to you.  Stop ordering those blended grass in  a bottle that taste like crap, or other "just breathe air for three days" diet cycles.  That's just impractical and dangerous.

There's a study that came out years ago regarding the lifestyles of  celebrities... It compared their actual age versus that of their physiological age(which depended on their lifestyle.)  A huge factor considered was yoyo-dieting, which basically meant that they were fat then got sexy for a role, then got fat again.   So let's say Miss Hottie was 24 years old, but her physiological age was that of a 40 year old woman because of her bad habits.  Imagine when she's 50, she'll have the physiological age of a dinosaur!!! dun dun dun!  Disgusting right?

 Looking sexy should come with being healthy.  Go for the big picture.


8) Meet Joe. Have Him Black

Once you go black, you ain't never going back.  Have you met my friend, Joe? It is said that the best version of him comes fresh from the poop of a certain breed cats. Yes. I'm talking about coffee.

Coffee is magical.  Why do I say it's got some magical juju? Well, black brewed coffee almost has zero calories.  It's the creamer and sugar that adds the extra calories, you fool.  A good cup will taste really good (but it's said to be an acquired taste. O diba, sosyal!)  It's a cheap, safe,  and reliable pre-workout drink.  No dangerous drugs or unnecessary hypes here!  It's got anti-oxidants to clean your silly cells.   It is even suggested as a perfect pair for taking creatine.  Some studies also show that taking coffee a few minutes before an intense physical activity can help burn more calories.

All in all, it's good to be black.  

9) Be a Cocky... But cautious sonuvabitch.

Always have the mindset that "I can do that too... eventually." I added the word "eventually" because being too cocky can be dangerous when it comes to working out. 

I have this friend, he-who-shall-not-be-named, who always asked for my help in the gym. However, every time I ask him to do something, he'll say "Hindi ko kaya, make it lighter! Masyadong mahirap" Hence, long-story short, he wouldn't make gains.    He-who-shall-not-be-named is a classic in all gyms, he's the guy who does what's comfortable and easy.

One of the truest things I've heard of is "You're only good at something you always do."  (That's why there's such a thing as beginners luck.) Once you're good at it, that means you're used to it. When you're used to it, then that means how your body looks is the way it's going to stay to keep doing that same shit.  If you keep doing that same shit, your body will never progress.   See the logic?

Get out of your comfort zone and be a cocky sonuvabitch.  

5. 8 Truths To Remember About Being Healthy, I Shit You Not.

1) Consistency is Key, Not an Expensive Gym Membership

Ever heard of the saying "Slow and steady wins the race?"  Nothing can be truer when trying to be a better version of yourself.   People keep making excuses "Wala akong pambili ng gym membership eh", so they convince themselves that it's an excuse from living a healthy lifestyle because such revolves around having a premium pass to some Gold's Gym or Crossfit establishment.  You have to be consistent because the key to your success lies with forming a habit and maintaining that habit.

You silly person, do not be duped by celebrity endorsed establishments created to milk you of your dating money.  Gyms are convenient, but it doesn't mean that they are the end-all-be-all of being a better you. 

There are so many ways to elevate your heartrate *wink wink* Any form of exercise is better than no exercise at all(i.e., pushups, shadow boxing, body squats... which are btw, merely repackaged and sold to you in what you now know as "Insanity" woopdidoo) Think of it as an everyday installment to which you deposit a tolerable amount of time and sweat which would translate to a smaller waistline and better overall health.

2) True Fitness is Truly A Lifestyle Change

"Habit" can truly be your best friend or your worst enemy.   Think of the things you do everyday that contribute to the detriment of your fitness goals; The automated way you sit your butt on that oh so soft sofa and turn on your TV which would lead to a lethargic state; The mandatory tub of popcorn for your everyday telenobelas; Them fizzy sugar loaded energy drinks you religiously gulp to get an extra boost of energy; The extra whipped cream you top your daily overpriced coffee from that popular coffee shop.  These are the everyday things that mold your preferences and your waistline.

Staying healthy is an everyday thing. Abs today are gone tomorrow if they are not made into a daily habit. Whatever minor changes you enforce can determine whether you'd be wearing a shirt during Laboracay, or not.

3) Nutrition and Workout Go Hand In Hand

Ever tried building a house with crappy materials?  I'm pretty sure that whatever "house" you come up with will turn out crappy as well.  At this point I hope you realize that I am talking about nutrition as your "materials", and working out as the "labor" you put into building your house.   If not, kawawa ka naman, bro. Anyway, it's so evident in most commercial gyms you see people toiling to achieve their dream physique, however, their appearances do not reflect the effort they put in.

The reason for this is that "they" (hopefully, this excludes you) view the gym or whatever form of fitness they're into as a form of a "quick fix" method for the nutritional choices they make everyday.  "Yeah imma have that overhyped cronut even though I'm not hungry coz I need to show that I eat what's trendy.   I'll just do some bicep curls to turn the calories into muscles."

First of all, a cronut containing about 500 calories can't be curled out that easily.  Second, science does not work that way.  Third, bulking is an impractical way to get fit.  Fourth, cronuts aren't even that tasty. (Sorry Foodies, I just had to put it out there.)

Think about it. The average gym rat spends about an hour in a gym, three times a week.  How many times do you eat in a day?  On statistics alone, it's a losing battle.

4) Abs Are Made In the Kitchen

Congratulations! You'll be happy to know that you have "Abs".  Yes, that sought after midsection popularized by numerous motion pictures.   Have a sucky plot? Get a ripped guy to take off his shirt. Viola, Twilight. Now the sucky news, it's probably hidden. Don't worry, not everyone wants abs on their special someone. It's all a matter of preference, mah boy.

If however, you do want them seen, keep in mind that 90% of the success will come from the kitchen, not from those silly sit ups.  The 10% of it will come from actual stabilization exercises to get 'em really popping.

Personally, my logical approach to that is: "If you're not willing to change what you eat, don't bother with DIRECT abdominal training."  Meaning, hit the your core in every exercise, but don't waste your time convincing yourself that a thousand sit ups would help you get shredded. I'd rather use my energy to either get more mass, or do more cardio.  That's just my take on things, don't bust my balls about it. 

5) A Majority of the Supplement Industry Is Just Milking You

"I've got nipples, can you milk me, Greg?"  That's a line from the Meet the Fockers movie, where Robert De Niro asks Ben Stiller when the latter said he once milked a cat because it had nipples.  Well, the truth is, men can also be milked... by the supplement industry. 

Supplements help a lot, that's one thing I can't deny. Here's the thing though, the quality of a supplement does not necessarily reflect the cost.  People associate price with quality, which in a way makes sense. However, you have to realize that the reason for the higher cost comes from the marketing and advertising of whatever it is you're drinking.

Whether it be a pre-workout or post workout supplement, be wary of the fact that most of the significant difference lies in naming the product as "Microfiltered Hyrdrolized Super -filtered Monowhatchamacalit Drink"  Go ask yourself, what the hell do these things even mean? Heck, I can't even pronounce half the words.

Just realize that you're shelling out extra pesos for that placebo effect created by the creative packaging and confusing mumbo-jumbo used by most of these supplement companies.  They are notoriously unregulated.  So when looking to get supplements, do some real research and when in doubt, keep it simple. 

6) There's More Than One Way to Skin A Cat

I'm not talking about that viral video of how cute furry animals are horrendously being skinned alive.  Those people behind that thing deserve to be skinned alive themselves... but that's a whole other topic.  What I'm talking about is that you shouldn't listen to those fitness gurus who tell you: "Yeah man, my workouts are the best! You should stop doing that gay yoga thing! Calisthenics are for women!  Man, I'm telling you, unlike you, I'll be hardcore, brooo.  You should drink this! Don't drink that! What, are you serious? You cray cray!"

... I have unintentionally enraged myself thinking about the arrogant people I've had the displeasure of hearing speak.  There are two reasons why such statements enrage me;

First, before a person has a right to tell you what you should be doing, he should first consider your goals and circumstances. Not everyone wants to look like a bouncer.

Second, there is no such thing as "the BEST way", even the legendary Bruce Lee believed that to transcend to a whole new level, he had to take the best parts of every discipline and blend them all together. 

7) Always Leave Your Ego Out the Door

When I used to go to Gold's Gym, there was this fellow Xaverian who I don't personally know who worked out there.  He would get six 45 pound plates, load them to the bar, look around if people are watching(And we are, out of annoyance) and deadlift with bad form, drop em like a hot potato at every rep.  Kalokohan.  He was an accident waiting to happen. I really wish an accident happened though.

The point of this story of this... I have a lot of patience, but sometimes, some people just make me want to see them hurt themselves.  I kid, I kid!  The point is this: Always start with the basics and grow stronger a few pounds at a time. Slow and steady remember?  Although I admire the confidence a person has regarding his capabilities, that just doesn't apply to protecting your joints and tendons from snapping into two.

8) Rationalizing Will Lead You Nowhere

"Oh look, 'organic' chips! Totally good for my waistline!"
"Fat-free desserts! Perfect, I get to stay on my diet."
"Sugar-free Ice cream? Great, I'll eat a pint!"

 What do these lines have in common? They're all a form of rationalization.  You convince yourself that it's totally okay to binge on these things because of some particular words on the labels such as "organic","fat free", "sugar-free".

Now, it's totally okay to  indulge. Indulge away, my friend. But what's bothering about your indulgence is that when you go home, you tell yourself and everyone around you how your diet is, and how it's killing you and the lack of development is just hereditary.   That's just ridiculous.  No amount of reasoning in your brain will convert those unnecessary calories into vital nutrition.  Neither will your brain activity of convincing yourself that it was the right choice to eat so much organic bacon burn enough calories to actually make it come true.

4. A Crash Course In Metabolism

Ola! So some dude messaged me asking for a part 4 of my fitness tips, which was surprising coz I was pretty sure no one was reading.

I bet most people have stopped eating "healthy" either because walking around shirtless in school or office is not allowed, or because they didn't reach their sexy goals in time and decided to procrastinate til the next beach season(nag t-shirt ka sa boracay noh?) If you're the latter, listen up, because this note will cover tips on maximizing METABOLISM. Metabo-whut? Metabolism. For the purposes of this note, it is defined as that thing that helps you burn calories from the food that you eat. The higher the metabolic rate of a creature, the bigger the chance that that creature is a sexy creature. It is a super-mega-tunginuh-important concept that can make or break your fitness goals.

DISCLAIMER:  These "tips" are based on several scientific studies.  Like most scientific studies, there are those that conflict with others.  For ME, I've lived by these principles and found that they work. Feel free to not believe if you've read something which tells you different.

Let's keep things simple, shall we? 

RATE OF METABOLISM
The rate of metabolism is initially determined by heredity. That means if you come from a line of cute pudgy people, if you sit down the entire day and do absolutely nothing, and another person who came from a line of cute but not pudgy ancestors sat beside you to also do absolutely nothing, comparatively, the other person will burn more calories than you. Unfair right? So does that mean you are utterly hopeless? Of course not. The good thing about metabolism is that it can be controlled.

Burn them mothahumping jiggly salbabidas by speeding up your metabolism. How? Well, other factors that determine the rate of M is as follows :
A) age, B) lean body mass, C) diet, and D) level of physical activities.

A) AGE:
Metabolism slows down at about 5% per decade after 40(according to some reliable website I read before.) So no, slathering on a tub of Pond's Magic Youth Whatever cream will not help maintain it. What does this entail? It means you'd better learn to control your M before it starts to slow down, otherwise, the effort it would take to achieve your dream body increases the longer we wait. Can you imagine just learning how to bench press at 40 to build lean muscle(which affects the metabolic rate)? It's not impossible, but gahd the effort it will take, bro.

B) LEAN BODY MASS:
basically, the body muscle without the taba. It should always be a goal to have a high percentage of lean body mass because more muscle tissues means more calories burned. So if again, a pudgy you sat beside a not so pudgy muscle-bound gorilla man who came from a line of pudgy folks, guess who burns more calories? Ze gorilla, monsieur.

So this means that as we gain more machoness, it's easier to reach and remain sexy. From my experience, if you're lucky enough to have a gym to workout in, compound workouts will help build the needed muscle mass because several muscle groups are activated. To those black-sando-wearing newbies at the gym, I say to you: stop focusing on those bicep curls to portray machoness, you're not fooling anyone. Get down and do real overall body workouts.

C) LEVEL OF PHYSICAL ACTIVITIES:
Now this I find most interesting. Often I get asked, "How often do you workout, Siocolator?" to which I answer "Everyday, 4 to 5 times a week, and rest on weekends, but the workouts are usually just 15-20mins." Usually the reply is "Potaaa, nakakatamad naman yun." True, it seems daunting at first, but I shall explain why that works better than once or twice a week, 2 hours per workout.

The metabolism of a person after exercising is revved up for the next 24-36 hours. This means that for the next 24-36 hours, your supot-pedicab metabolism has now turned into a not so supot-pedicab, or maybe even turned into a full blown motorcycle. So if you spread your workouts into short bursts of intense exercises, your metabolism will not have time to slow down. If your logic is slow, this means that since there's no down time, you'll burn more calories for the entire week versus that of the other method.

Think about it. Think about how much more calories you can burn by doing that. One of the best principles I've applied to my life came from my favorite fitness guru(who I will not name coz I emailed him asking about something but hindi siya nagreply, tae siya) who said: "You can only either workout hard or workout long, but you can't do both."

So the next time you go gymming for an hour and then start strolling for 30-45mins on that treadmill, humming to the beat of Justin Bieber, ask yourself: Do I honestly believe that Ryan Reynolds got that 8 pack doing the same shit? A good work out will leave you gasping for air and cursing that donut you had for merienda. A long workout means there's no intensity, that's why you're still able to do more. Yeah sure, you get man boobs from all that heavy lifting and long rest periods, but you know what you also have? A gut.

D) DIET:
The word that brings fear in them sugar munchers. Them sugar-munchers think that proper dieting consists of not eating anything the whole day, except maybe that slice of cheesecake. " Yum. Cheese contains milk. Milk contains protein. I have rationalized it to be a healthy meal. I am brilliant. Yes. That hunger pain in my stomach is definitely burning my salbabidas. More! Mooore!"

Yes, I believe that's how the conversation in their heads go.

Three important concepts here: WHEN you eat is just as important as WHAT you eat and HOW MUCH you eat.

WHEN you eat: the usual advice is every 3-4 hours, have a meal or a snack, but don't pig out. Why this works? After 4 hours, the body goes into starvation mode. Your metabolism slows down A LOT. Yung pedicab mo nagka-flat, bro. To avoid a turnilyo in your gulong, keep the M up by having a snack ready. Another problem with starvation mode is that the first thing your body goes for nutrients is not the taba, but the hard earned muscle fibers. So the muscles are sacrificed first(I have no idea how to reverse this, please consult God Almighty, our creator.) When to eat before and after a workout is a long discussion, next time na yan.

Also, don't believe that crap that you can't eat after 7pm because it will turn into fat. Tunginuh, may relo katawan mo, bro? Bionic ka pala eh. Just don't pig out 3 hours before sleeping, but keep yourself from starving by drinking skim milk(with whey protein if extra rich ka) just before sleeping like a kyot little baby.

DISCLAIMER: Please note that there are some who don't believe about timing and resort to what they call "Intermittent Fasting."  Like I said, there are a lot of conflicting claims about fitness, and unless you've personally studied and compared the different types of theories, feel free to believe what you want to believe.

WHAT to eat is important too. WHAT to eat before and after working out is a different topic and deserves an entirely different note. On the top of my head, food that boosts metabolism are those that contain caffeine(coffee or tea), brazil nuts, hot shit like sili, cinnamon... Lots to choose from. I dare you to put them all in a blender and drink it.

What about them fat burners? Eh... Stay away from that crap. Here's the truth about fat burners: they USED to be effective because before, they contained ephedra(i think that's the name), which is the same drug used in making illegal drugs. The ephedra made them effective, but now it's been banned so they replaced the ephedra with a lot of caffeine to have that "thermogenic" whatever effect. Throw it in a fancy bottle with fancy words, viola, uto-uto ka nanaman. You'll get shivers, sure, but the effectiveness is all in your head. Cross my heart and hope to die, this is true.

HOW MUCH is a question of your size. Obviously if you're a 185 pound man, you'll need more food than that 120 pound dude. The way I explain how much is like this: every person has a bag wherein he can put food. The bag represents the amount of calories burned per day, and its size is determined by the said factors affecting metabolism. The more body mass, the bigger the bag. If your bag overspills, the amount spilled will eventually reflect how much you gain. What you gain (fat or lean muscle) is determined by the type of food you put in your bag and whether or not you work out. Simple enough? So you know your body better than anyone, and only you can assess how big your bag is.

So there, a short summary about metabolism. Hope that this helps clear things up for some people. If my notes can inspire just one person to live better, pwede na!

3. The Fatty, The Skinny, and The Lucky. Understanding Your Body Type

Hi guys, I have no idea where that picture came from, but I'm posting it here for your benefit.  Now that you have an idea about eating the right things or avoiding the wrong ones, let's continue with the sexy lessons.

BODY TYPE, AND ITS CONSEQUENCES
To start, an important question to answer is: what's my body type? This is important so you can honestly assess the effort you need to exert to get to your goal. You have to know what you're working with and adjust your LIFESTYLE according to that(lifestyle ah, meaning no short term goals through whatchamacallit diets. Don't plan to get back to being out of shape after all the hard work. ) If someone tells you to follow a certain diet guaranteed to apply to all situations, batukan mo siya and say "Gago."

We all have our own goals and challenges.

Avoiding the boring terms, there are three body types:
1) The Fatty, where I would say the most unfortunate but not hopeless. You're gonna have trouble seeing your abs.
 2) The Skinny, where everything you eat will have almost no effect on your weight gain, you'll have abs, but it'll be an effort keeping the guns pumped.
 3) The Lucky, ala Derek Ramsey, magtoothbrush lang lumalaki na biceps... Die.

I'm pretty sure you have an idea on where thou falls under, but if not, google "tests" to determine your body type. I know of one where you make balot your wrists using your middle daliri and thumb... So conyo. Gutom na ata ako, english... Depleting.

Here's what you should focus on in terms of workouts.

IF YOU'RE THE FATTY TYPE

If you're the Fatty type, you'll be at the most disadvantage. Do not lose hope, extra-effort lang katapat niyan.
This means your METABOLISM is slow, you have to focus on speeding it up. (I'll be posting about metabolism next time, which I think is one of the most important concepts EVER)

For now, your main workout should revolve around CARDIO and STRENGTH development. (Note that cardio is not all about running. There are more effective ways to get your cardio fixed. But if that's what you like doing, go ahead.) Up your cardio twice or thrice a week, first goal is to lose the flubber.

Strength development is different from MASS GAINING. The latter is more for showing off to the opposite sex. I don't suggest you put on more mass as much as the Skinny dude, you wanna look like a blimp? You develop your strength to enable you to do more EFFECTIVE workouts, and increase your metabolism due to the increase in muscles.  If you're a girl, I'm pretty sure all you'll say is "I only wanna do cardio, I don't want to look like a she-hulk." Woman, I'm telling you right now, unless you stuff yourself with testosterone and drink protein shakes with your every meal, THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN.

IF YOU'RE THE SKINNY

For the Skinny dudes, congrats, not much cardio for you. (but don't cut it out completely) You can probably eat like there's no tomorrow. Just adopt workouts that would allow you to pack on pounds. What are they? Workouts that require you to lift heavy, and allows you to rest for a min or two to be able to lift heavy again. Focus on lifting weights that would tire you after 8-12 reps. (This will not really work for the Fatty types because those guys need to keep their heart rates up during the workout).

Why 8-12 reps? Well scientists say that when you lift enough weight that allows you to fail between 8-12 reps, you use enough resistance to create what gym rats call "hypertrophy", meaning you literally increase the volume of your muscles.

I understand there would be crossfitters who would disagree about the resting period, but this is for beginners who want to look good first. Next time na yung ultimate fitness na iyan, ang mahal mahal ng membership eh.

An example of a skinny dude would be Brad Pitt, in most of his roles he looks awesome, but when you look at his workouts, they're pretty simple. He just packed on mass to his skinny frame, and viola, laglag panty mga babae. So Skinny dudes, go google compound workouts for mass gaining.


THE LUCKY

For the Lucky types.. Wtf are you still doing here, go away. You don't need this guide. Haha I kid I kid. But seriously, you don't need my help.

*I'll give more details on these concepts next time, it's good enough to know what you need to work on... and this note is getting too long.

2. You Are What You Eat, A Quick Guide To Help You Start

 

Before starting,  ask yourself,  "How much do I want this?" If your answer is "not enough to give up that frappucino I drink everyday"...  Eh...  Exit now. Go dial 8-Mcdo.   Don't worry though,  I won't suggest that you stuff yourself with bland chicken breast.  Nothing like that.  What is required however,  is that you stick to a strict diet for the next couple of months only.  When I say "strict", you stay away from fried foods, sweets, and creamy goodness.

UNDERSTANDING YOUR BOOTY
This is for you to understand how your body works.  It's like testing yourself for allergies,  by eliminating all factors, then going back to a sustainable lifestyle.  You see, unlike in other countries where the law requires nutrition charts to be posted in all restaurants,  daily calorie counting in the Philippines is next to impossible.  When you understand how much you can eat before that flab starts growing,  then you can deviate from eating healthy because you can easily get back on track.

Remember what Arnold said,  abs are made in the kitchen. (more on this later).  This section is about understanding how/why you get fat, in the simplest way.  Give a man a fish,  he'll eat for a day.  Teach him how to fish,  he'll eat for life.  Nuks, I forgot where I read that from, probably the bible. I don't know.

QUESTION AND ANSWER PORTION
Q: What about those diet fads, why don't I just do that?
A: Those don't work,  and even if they do,  it won't last.  Who wants to spend thousands of pesos to be 'healthy'  for a couple of weeks.  You do know you'll still be alive when that skinny phase ends,  right?  They don't work coz as soon as it ends, you'll be lost in the dark right after. Iwan ka pa ng bagong girl/boyfriend mo pagtumaba ka ulit.

Tip: Read about nutrition, even just a little bit.  Knowing the enemy is half the battle.  (di ko rin alam saan ko nakuha yan, please don't cite me for plagiarism.)

I don' t recommend using calorie counting as a tool.  Hassle eh. Just keep in mind,  you gain weight when you eat more than you burn,  you lose weight when you burn more than you eat. What you gain will depend on the quality of calories you eat.  An illustration would be: eating the same amount of calories in cupcakes vs chicken, beef, veggies.  Who do you think will look better?

The easiest thing to do is to figure out the hidden extra calories in your daily feeding time(parang baboy lang eh nh?)  you don't have to abstain from them,  but be wary.

Q: What are these 'hidden calories'?
- Most important: Learn to read labels.  You don't have to be technical about it,  just be aware of the amount of servings each container has before chowing down.  Usually, a drink would post that it's around 100 calories per serving, then you go "Oh that's not so bad, Imma down this bitch." Then, when you double check, that bitch be like "Servings per container: 10" Whodabitchnowww?

- Cut down on juices, no matter how 'healthy' they claim to be. That's just to dupe silly people to drinking more. Whodatsillyperson?  You dat silly person.
Fruits are made from fructose,  which is basically sugar.  A gram of sugar is about 4calories, do the math. Those sugars make you fat.

- Those ubergood frappucinos are made from more sugar.  Understand that 'fat-free' is better healthwise, although unhealthy fats do contain the evil calories that create them cupcakes on your waist,   drinking "fat-free" won't really help you see those abs.  Sugar is the enemy.

- Condiments.  Things that make life oh so good.  Remember,  ketchup/catsup is made of sugar.  Mayo (the white thing,  not the chinese word),  I haven't checked but I hear it's got as much calories or carbs as a cup of rice.  I forget, which. If you can't stand bland food, go learn to love spice.  Certain spices are said to speed up metabolism and are pretty low in calories.

- Fried food.  Bakit masarap ang bawal? (wink wink) Basically, frying food doubles/triples its calories because the oil gets absorbed in the food and you end up eating it. Nope, wiping it with them blue Gatsby oil absorbing thingies won't help. Save it for your fez or the fez of your oily friend.

Q: On carbs,  why are they so 'bad'? 

A: Sugar is basically carbs. Well they're bad because they're stripped of the nutrition that your body needs for recovering,  and just add to your daily calorie intake.

There's such a thing as 'good'  carbs.  These are the whole wheat bread, brown rice, etc. They're better than their white counter part because they haven't been processed, theoretically,  eating this version of carbs allows you to stay fuller longer,  hence,  less overall calories. Plus,they have the nutrition needed for that oh so sexybody.  Be careful of those fake wheat breads.  Look for the word "whole wheat"  rather than just "wheat bread".  These fakes are still made of white flour.  Wolf in sheeps'  clothing.  Simply put,  the latter is just like white rice,  painted brown.

Q: On protein?
A: Protein, as everyone knows,  are the building blocks of our muscles. To figure out what are carbs vs. protein, as a GENERAL RULE,  let me quote Stallone: "If it ever had a face, it's protein." wtf ba?  Here,  what do cows,  fishes,  and chickens have in common?  A FACE.  If you ask me "What if I behead a chicken,  will it turn to pure carbs?"...  I will behead you myself.

So which source of protein is better?  The lesser feet,  the better.  In this case,  fish.  If you argue: "But fish never had feet." Magpapatayan na tayo.
Be careful of eating too much tuna though,  they contain mercury,  and might not be advisable to eat so much.

Exception to the "face" rule however,  are peanuts and some beans.  So peanut butter is your friend,  but don't buy the local  ones because they tend to put too much sugar,  which would defeat the purpose. Plus,  they're high caloric food, so it's not an excuse to finish a jar,  or eat more Reese's pieces.

So how do all these work?  Imagine that protein are bricks to the house you're building,  and carbs are the workers that delivers the bricks to their proper place.  Don't cut out the carbs,  just minimize the 'bad'  ones. Without carbs, recovery would be hampened.  Cutting out carbs would leave your muscles flat,  and low energy.

So there,  these are the basics that you can use to slowly but surely get you to your ideal fitness level.  I hope you learned something,  and I plan to post more on workout principles that you can apply,  depending on how this is received.  Kung wala naman kasing nagbabasa,  pointless.  Hehe

1. Fitness for the Everyday-Filipino

Ola, friends!  Since several people have been asking me about keeping in shape, I decided to write about it here.  This will tackle the usual questions and answers.  These "tips"  are made to apply to girls, boys,  baklas and tomboys.

WHY READ THIS?
First,  I promise to keep it interesting by taking out the hard to pronounce caloric mumbo jumbo but still make it educational(why? Coz it's boring, calculating it will be tedious and most likely inaccurate.)  Second, the things that I will hopefully be able to communicate are those which are adapted to the typical Filipino lifestyle.  Let's face it, in a third world country (oh wait, the politically correct term is "Developing") the conditions are just too different, the most basic conveniences available in "Developed" nations aren't available.

WHAT TO EXPECT?
This site will PROBABLY not contain workouts,  rather it will contain principles that you can adjust and  apply to yourself since according to our mommy and daddy,  we're all unique special.  Yaaay. I don't believe that there's a 'best workout'.  Do what works for you, do it with passion, and do it well.  Boom.  Sexy for life.

WHO AM I?
Who am I to start giving out advice? I probably can't out-bench the gorilla in the gym. Currently,  I workout with zero equipment and haven't benched for the longest time.  I probably can't outlast  that sunburned tri-athlete.  I believe that if ever get into some fight or trouble,  I'd aim to finish it in 2 mins or less,  than run away for the next hour or so.  I'm a student, doing home workouts, with not much time for social events coz of the workload, but I'm equipped with workout principles that one can take into consideration to make that sonuvabitch evasive fitness goal,  attainable.  I have not reached the pinnacle of fitness, and I will never be that arrogant to claim to have reached such a goal.

WHO THIS WEBSITE IS FOR?
This is for the regular guy who wants to have that "yeah-I-take- care-of-myself" look,  maybe for the next couple of years. This is a guide to a sustainable gut-free lifestyle. This is for the guy who wants to look good in a shirt and look better without one.  No branded shirt can make a guy look as good as simply having a good body frame. True story.

If you're already a mean lookin', nail-munching bad ass, no, this is not for you.  Please make your own fitness site so I can pick your brains.

WHY MAKE THIS NONSENSE?
Why I made this?  I want to inspire my friends in developing themselves. You have one life (unless you believe in reincarnation, but chances are you'll still be out of shape when you get reborn.) Wouldn't you want to look the best you can? Plus, at the time of this writing, it's traffic so I'm stuck in Ortigas.

Beach season's not til April you say?  Fool.  Unless you're Rain from the Ninja Assassin with a 24hr trainer,  you won't make it next season. Any significant changes will occur in 3months, and dramatic changes can happen in 6. Just in time for the beach. So read on.  And no,  I don't plan to leave you short and sell you anything.

Next note will be about pigging out.