Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 5)

1) What Differentiates You Makes You Who You Are

Growing up, I received a lot of jokes about my name,  face, weight,  temper,  fashion sense,  and yes, even haircut.  The most prevalent joke about me is being called "kabayo" because of my jaw line(I would think "huhu Why my panga? Sana dahil sa birdie ko nalang.")  One time, I even visited the derma and as I was laying there on my back, the derma called her assistant and said "Gusto mo makakita ng grabeng jaw? Tignan mo yung kay Ronald." Thanks, doc. Titingin din ako sa iyo kung gusto ko makakita ng grabeng waistline.

Hurt feelings aside, when I started dating, I realized that most, if not all the girls I've ever dated found me attractive for my horsey features.  What I figured out was, kanya kanyang taste yan. Some like them big jaws, some find them round faces cuter... and if I were to have a choice between being different and blending in a sea of faces, I would choose to be different. I am divergent... Naki-ride lang sa movie. No, this does not mean that you should try being a hipster(not that there's anything wrong with being a hipster... more power to you, Noynoy-glasses wearing individuals)

If you don't believe me or you missed seeing Divergent, watch the Lego Movie. The dude realized that he was so concerned about fitting into what is normal, that nobody knew who he was, not even his so called friends.

Teasing or being teased(in its most innocent meaning) is a part of life.  You get teased by your friends, classmates, siblings, or even by strangers. There's no getting around it; Perfect kasi sila eh. What's important is how you deal with these things.  There is beauty in all things, and only those who can appreciate it are worthy of your time.  When being ridiculed for not falling within the conventional standards of society, don't frustrate yourself for not being ideal or not being cookie-cutter perfect. Hold your head up high and own it.

2) Look Them Bullies Eye to Eye

Back when I just entered first year high school, I had the unfortunate experience of running into a particular barkada from a higher year level.  I've never talked nor made eye contact with them, but one day, five of them went to my classroom. Three of them stood by just outside while their "leader" and another scum of the earth decided to go in to threaten me. Masyado daw akong "maangas" looking(I can't help it if my I end up scowling when faced with ugly people such as them, c'mon, right?)

Their "leader" was a foot shorter than me and had an uncanny resemblance to Chito Miranda. He also looked like he needed a couple of happy meals to save him from starvation. They tried to intimidate me. Five versus one?  Nope, still not enough to get me to back down, silly butiki. The long and short of it was I got hit on the chest(coz he was too short to reach my face? I mean really, who sucker punches a chest?) And I retaliated by throwing him on the floor.   His sidekick then hit me with a monoblock chair on my back.  When the bell rang, the bullies ran away. On several other occassions they would torment me and throw something at me, but I just gave them my oh so big middle finger. 

I decided to corner some of them feeling bad boys when they were alone just to see what they were made of.  Then the most interesting thing happened; They couldn't look me in the eye, and neither could they speak without stuttering. They were all cowards, especially the one who kept throwing stuff at me.

On other occassions, more guys from the higher batch would test me. I remember one of them suddenly shouted "Hoy siocoy, bakla ka diba? Isa kang malaking bakla!"  or some words to that effect. Since I don't resort to immature name calling, I decided to just throw my coleman at his face. Needless to say he never looked me in the eye... his bully aura died when he started crying. 

Once, an upperclassman decided to interrupt my basketball game when the ball rolled in his direction.  He just up and got the ball, and decided to do some shooting in another court.  I asked him kindly to return it but he wouldn't.  He only gave it back when I came over and put him in a headlock. "Joke lang daw" at "sorry."  He never bothered me again.

Bullies are people who were never hugged enough as a child, or were never breastfed, or were cursed with really small patotoys and are trying to overcompensate for it...  or it could be for several other reasons. One thing is for sure, they are the way they are not because they're "tough guys", they're bullies because they are riddled with insecurities and always have something to prove.

Kid, you should never start fights but you should always be ready to stand up for yourself.  Don't spend your life cowering against those who always have something to prove. You may bleed, turn black and blue, but you will sleep better knowing that you stood your ground against those who have a false sense of superiority over you. 

3) Don't Date For Caviar

I once had a Facebook contact who shared a blog she read which listed several "budget" restaurant ideas for dating.  She ranted saying "If a guy asks you on a date & brings you to these restos, walk away.. There are a lot of things to put a budget on but how to treat a girl should't be one of them. #FAIL."

I tossed and turned but I couldn't let it go. It's one thing to be shallow, but to promote such shallowness is another.  I left a comment saying "So some people actually equate the enjoyment of a date to the price level of a restaurant? And I thought it always boiled down to chemistry and good conversation skills."  After posting, I deleted her from my contacts (Hashtag "we got a bad ass over here.")  I don't need people like that in my life, not even if it were Ann Curtis.

Every person has his or her own standards for dating.  For me, it is always quality over quantity (Dating shouldn't be Divisoria style na tiangge, madami ka ngang t-shirts pero may mga butas naman)  High standards may refer to looks, sex appeal, character, intellect, presentability, etc. It may also refer to her being "classy".  Remember, "class" is not about money: it is about having elegance and is reflected by how one carries his or herself (The moment someone confuses that having class is about having money, trust me, that person doesn't have any.)

Kid, looking for your special someone requires you to go through that ritual called "dating." In this process you figure out what you thought you wanted and what you really want in your significant other.  Such ritual can cost you from zero pesos to mega-pucha-butas-wallet-smile-now-iyak-later amount.  The former does not mean your date will suck, neither does the latter guarantee a good date.  You want someone who will enjoy fancy dinners, but not mind standing in line with you at some fast food joint when you're both a little strapped for cash.  You date to find someone to enjoy the little things with, not someone who will just be there to be when there is caviar and champagne.

A good date is about chemistry. You start out nervous as to whether you have enough talking points to avoid any awkward silence then, before you know it,  you've been sitting in the same spot for so long but you're already looking forward to seeing each other even before you've said your goodbyes. Conversation will flow effortlessly that you feel like you've known each other for years.  Everything around you simply disappears, and any place you go to with each other would seem special and romantic.  Chemistry is about having an undeniable interest in a particular person; discovering their past to understand their present, and looking for the possibility of your future together.  

With chemistry, you end up drowning in each other so much that the hours will seem like minutes, and the minutes will seem like seconds... and guess what?  You can't buy it.

Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 4)

1) Dress Properly, ALWAYS

Before living in our house in Quezon City, we used to live in Congressional Road. Back then, there were still cows roaming around and it was less commercialized. Cows ah!!! As in, "Moo, feed me grass", cows.

Anyway, we decided to move in slowly, traveling to and fro, transferring our possessions bit by bit.  One time, I thought that since I'll be practically going to my own house, I might as well not change.  So I was wearing this grey sando that had a skull with a couple of snakes going through its eye sockets and a dagger plunged right in the middle of its head(Ang bad ass ko, diba? No one messes with a guy with a skull sando) For my lower region, I wore some really breezy short blue boxers with a big heart print on its left side with the word "Heartthrob", and on its right, was a palm-sized picture of Spongebob... medyo bakat.  Yak:/

On our way there, my mom decided to pass by MC Home Depot along Ortigas.  While she went in to shop, I decided  to stay in the car since I looked simply ridiculous in my pambahay. Wouldn't you know it,  a dumbass Hyudai van hit the rear end of our vehicle.  How does that happen in a wide open parking area, really? So I'm there, embarrassed at how pasexy my shorts were, and my mom inside this edifice.   Oh, did I mention, she left her phone on the car seat? So this skinny 5'11(I was an inch shorter then) tikoy-white, half bad-ass, half-bading kid in his boxers ran through the entire span of MC Home Depot looking for his mother. 

It was really a series of unfortunate events that can only happen to me.  And since you're my kid, it might also happen to you.  So unless you want to get into a situation where you look like someone who just lost a bet, or is going through some form of initiation, always, ALWAYS, wear something presentable when going out because life is simply unpredictable.

2) Be Prepared for Curve Balls

Have you ever heard of the Aesop's Fable  about the fox, the boar and his tusks? A fox asked the boar why he was sharpening his tusks when there was no danger around.  The boar replied that because when danger is already there, he wouldn't have the time to do so.   

I have a friend named Anonymous.  One summer he decided to learn how to really swim. Not just swim like a cute doggy at some backyard pool,  but Anonymous wanted to be a really strong swimmer.  He swam daily for at least an hour, improving his fishy powers.   

A couple of years later, we went to the beach with several of our other friends.  On that particular day, the waves were huge, as in ROAAR. So we decided to just stand by the shore and get knocked over for the fun of it(the inner child, powerful it is - Yoda).  Suddenly, someone from the crowd pointed towards the sea screaming something incomprehensible.  There was a chubby Chinese girl who tired out and couldn't swim back to shore. She was drowning and she was far away.  The long and short of it, is that he swam through the big waves using the hours of training he endured then,  and saved her while everyone just watched. 

I have to give credit to some of our other friends who tried to get to her. They couldn't fight through the waves so they were just swimming in place, like a hamster on a wheel.  Silly friends, u no hamsters.  The other fifty something people on the beach didn't do anything except literally lift a finger to point her out.  Although, they did clap as soon as Anonymous carried the girl to the shore ala Baywatch style. They even kept giving him handshakes and saluting him.  For a day, ang haba ng hair ni Anonymous.

Kid, as you grow up, I want you to learn some basic survival skills.  Be it cooking, punching, swimming, or avoiding your ex... etc. (hehehe) The universe might decide to ask you to save someone's life, maybe even yours, and there's no App for that... yet? Ignore the pain, sweat, and blood for they are necessary because when life decides to suddenly throw you a curve ball, there's no time for you to learn them at the last minute.

3) Recognize True Love

In this day and age, there are countless acts of love captured on video which go trending in different social media platforms.  Usually, they are extravagant and borderline fairytale in terms of the level of whim whams it can give a person.  They make the men watching them go "Darn it, I wish I thought of that."  And make the ladies go, "Darn it, wish my man would do something like that."

As wonderful as these gestures are, do not limit yourself to thinking that those external signs of affection will make you a better boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife over someone who sticks to simple and unnoticed acts of love.   Do not make the mistake of thinking that these acts are an accurate reflection on how much you really love someone.

Being in a relationship is not just about holding someone's hand when everything is perfect. Any shallow person can do that. Know that being in cloud nine, as mind blowing as the experience is, is fleeting.  True love, in reality, has its boring moments; moments which are painful, even moments which make it seem like letting go is the best option.  In every relationship there are trials that test how far you are willing to go for someone; failures that make you question your promises of forever.  Having said that, it is also about knowing when to let go and accepting the fact that who you thought was your other half,  is no longer happy. 

It is in these invisible moments, these hope-to-be-forgotten instances, hardships that are not captured by the camera, that the authenticity of someone's love is revealed.  Despite the challenges that every relationship go through, true love is when you're willing to stick it out with that one person.  That one person who is willing to go through hell and back to be with you.  That one person who would not let go despite the fact that the world is pulling you both apart.   When you find that person, do not fail to recognize the rarity of her existence and  promise her your heart, for true love is not always fancy, but it is always enduring.

Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 3)

1) Smile At Your Biggest Critics, They Usually Don't Know Better

After seeing the latest installment of the Wolverine movie, I knew right away that people would start bashing Hugh Jackman for his physique.  Instead of applauding his dedication to give health conscious individuals an ideal body to strive for, them "internet experts" started criticizing him saying "Wolverine forgot to do leg-day."  ...Yes, coz one of the most famous action stars in the world who can hire the best personal trainers, hired one that doesn't believe in "leg-day." Really???  I daresay that these internet experts forgot to do something too, and that's to keep their ignorant criticisms to themselves. 

What these "internet experts" failed to understand is that Hugh Jackman, like all human beings, is affected by something called genetics.  In fact, there's a picture of him deadlifting so much weight that the olympic bar he was using was actually bending. Any trainer worth his salt knows that you can't do a perfect deadlift without using your legs because it's an overall body exercise. I bet that if any of these "internet experts" actually tried lifting the same weight, they would split in half and die. 

In today's technological advancement, it's easy to feel like an expert, but learn to recognize that you're only an expert in Google-ing. You've done it, I've done it, we've all done it. Heeyay, we have something in common.  Anyway, the problem starts when people let things get to their heads and pass judgment on things they know not much about after google-ing or reading an article of another opinionated ignoramous.  Usually, there's a logical reason why someone's the way they are(either it be physical, mental, or emotional), and no amount of Google-ing can give you a 360 degree view on the matter. 

So son, face your biggest critics, give a beauty-pageant wave, and smile.  You know better.

2) One Secret to Happiness Is Learning To Make Fun of Yourself

Back in grade school, I was one of the most tempermental persons ever.  It came to a point where I would be so angry that I could almost blackout.  Looking back, the some of the reasons for my hulk-like rage were because... Tinawag akong "Siokoy"(due to my last name) or "baboy", (due to my weight.)   I didn't realize that my ultra-senstivity was just a form of insecurity and my fits actually attracted more insults than repelled them. 

I remember, during one of the school-fairs by ICA(an all-girl school), I decided to make "paporma" by wearing an all-white outfit. I wore a white shirt with a pair of white jeans, and white sneakers... I looked like a rolled-up table napkin. It's safe to conclude that I didn't get any phone numbers. In my defense, si Nick Carter naman kasi eh, sinuot niya yun dati. (Kaya malaki galit ko dun eh.) No one told me that my face actually needed to look like Nick Carter's before I could pull it off. Wala eh, Ronaldo Sioco lang.

Why am I divulging this embarrassment? Well I learned to make fun of myself and removed most, if not all of my insecurities.  So what if I looked like an extra-long piece of cotton bud? No one gets it right the first time, and it also makes for a good "Remember When" story. All of the idiosyncrasies you'll ever commit are things that will teach you lessons, give you something to chuckle about when you're making "muni-muni", and are basically small parts of the sum that makes you who you are. 

Make silly mistakes, breathe it in, and learn to laugh about it.

3)  Rejections and Break-Ups Are Stepping Stones

Let me tell you a story about a girl. The first girl I ever decided to feebly court.  She was a cute athletic mestiza girl that I met through a friend. I was in Lala land when I thought about her face, and dreamt of HHWW('Holding Hands While Walking', usong term dati) It was the purest form of puppy love. I saved up my daily allowance of Php 50 pesos, not eating anything the whole day, just so I could buy her a pendant and an apple shaped picture frame because she was the "Apple of my eye."... Okay, that apple part was one of my biggest regrets in life.

I had my gift sent through a friend, and the little boy in me started fantasizing of the dates that were to come.  When I had an opportunity to see her again... pucha, di pala niya ako natatandaan. I was crushed.  I thought about her everyday, day and night, and the only thing she knew about me was zilch. I think I actually destroyed my cassette tape of 98 Degrees from repetitive listening to "Invisible Man." I thought that I would never love again.

What's the point of this? Rejections and break-ups are a part of life. No matter how critical they may seem at the moment, it does not make it the end of the world when they happen.  In fact, they are stepping stones to a better and a more 'certain' you.  What I mean by that is they mold you to improve on yourself because it teaches you what you lack as a partner, and unearths issues that need fixing for any relationship to eventually survive.  It leads to a more 'certain' you as well because each relationship is an experience that will lead you to narrow down on what you really want in your significant other. 

Finding what you really want in your special someone is like a sculpture that you chip away at, bit by bit.  A "work in progress" to which you have a slight idea of what you eventually want it to be, but never certain of it until you actually get there.  It's not going to be easy.  You will sweat, cry, bleed and feel pain for it, but guess what? In the end, it's going to be beautiful.

Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 2)

Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 2) 

1) Never Let Anyone Dictate What You Are Capable Of

Back in grade school, my teacher gave us an assignment;  we had to write a story to express our creativity.  I decided to create a comic book of a cross breed between Ghost Rider and Spiderman. Sketched with a sign pen, it had panels and speech bubbles, with quite a sensible story. May shading-shading pa, o diba? My comic book was amazing, especially for a grade schooler.  I was like Stan Lee with boogers.

After submitting, my teacher accused me of having someone else make it for me.  She even called my parents just to make "sumbong" that my chubby hands were not capable of such art work and that no way could a grade school kid make up such a story line... That epal, I would have gotten so angry if she wasn't such a cute teacher.  Ehem, Miss Felix, single ka pa rin ba? You are forgiven and I am old enough. You will not go to jail.  Aheehee.

Anyway,with her actions, she crushed my heart, nilagyan ng Ajinomoto, at pinakain sa aso.  After that, although I don't remember being particularly upset, I stopped writing.  If I never stopped writing, maybe I could have been the guy who wrote One More Chance, or On the Job.  Instead, I keep writing these ridiculously long Facebook statuses that my friends complain about. Now we'll never know. 

Never let anyone tell you what you're capable of. Will Smith said it best in that movie Pursuit of Happyness. He can deliver a line that will strike your soul.  He said to his son: "Don't ever let somebody tell you you can't do something,  not even me. You've got a dream, you've got to protect it. When people can't do something themselves, they wanna tell you 'you can't do it.'  You want something, go get it. Period."  Dayummm, my balahibo is nakatayo all over the place.

2) Failure Is Acceptable But Giving Up Isn't

When I was forced to transfer from Ateneo Law School to San Beda Mendiola(because of a ridiculously unfair motherhumper of a professor), I had to start all over again.  After everything has sunk in, I cried. I cried once, for around five minutes,  and dusted myself off.  People told me that maybe I should  take a break, or maybe transfer to an "easier" school so I didn't have to start over again. I told them no. If this is what it takes to reach my destiny, damn it, I will take the road less traveled and I will take it now.

Kid, in this life you will be tested. If you're lucky, it'll be like a dental check up.  If not, it might feel like a full blown prostate exam. Oh God, the image I just put in my brain. Anyway, I can't tell you how many times I have failed in my endeavors. Minsan talaga sabaw tatay mo eh,pero usually malas lang (Lalo na sa chinese subjects niya. I still don't like you, Lao Sher!) I am far from a success story, not yet, but like most success stories, what people don't see is the path of thorns and pits that these determined individuals had to run through and climb out of to get there.

The way I see it, the only valid reason to give up is when you stopped wanting whatever it is you're aiming for.  Hey, even the Dark Knight had to get his back broken before he saved Gotham, right? So Ben Affleck, use your cleft chin properly and don't ruin him.

3) Love Fearlessly

Let me tell you a story about a girl.  At the time, I thought she was everything I wanted.   In our particular situation, she was off limits because of our social setting.  It would have been a violation of the all important Bro Code and a violation of my own principles.  Hey, the heart wants what it wants, right?  Soldier of love eh. So with the purest of intentions, sumugod ako... right into a mine field.   It blew up in my face! Idjot, sobrang idjot talaga.  For a time I lost my closest friends and realized that the person I fell for wasn't actually her.  Who I fell for was a mere idea of her.  

Do I regret my decision to fight the good fight? Heck no,  ultimate Soldier of Love talaga eh.  I learned what I had to learn, and I am not left with the haunting "What if?" question.  It allows you to move on to the next potential "the One", without reservation.  Whether or not you get the girl after giving it everything you've got, you will grow as a person and mature, realize what you truly want, and hopefully, move a step closer to the true love of your life.

Son, love fearlessly, jump through the hoops of fire and fight the dragon guarding the princess.  You won't regret it. 

  

Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 1)

People I know around me are either getting married, got married, or are pregnant. So napamuni-muni ako, and I decided to list lessons I want my future kid to take into heart before I forget them. I will prolly print this out in the future and make my kid read it, or otherwise, I will threaten to make pakpak his pwet.


Some Things About Life I Would Tell My Future Kid (Part 1) 

1) You can’t always have what you want, but you can always make the best of what you already have.

For example, when I was younger, Brad Pitt became a household name. I remember praying to God asking him to make me as powgi as papa Brad when I grow up so the girls will be swooning all over me... Pucha, ginawa ba naman akong kamukha ni Jeremy Lin. 

Thanks, Lord, medyo malayo ah. But hey, it’s all good. I got over the fact that I will never be the cover of GQ, or at least be a “Candy Cutie”. I just made sure I always smelled nice, had a complete tinga-free set of teeth, and kept the world from seeing the bacon-ing garter of my underwear. Son, keep that in mind and you’ll do fine. Trust me.

2) Never compromise who you are to fit in with “cool” people.
I remember back in grade school, while everyone was “into” head-banging noisy music, I was listening to the Backstreet Boys and N’Sync. People would judge my manliness because I listened to music that made girls go “ERMYGAHD I LOVE YOU NICK CARTEEER! ANAKAN MO NA AKO!!!”

Years later, when we’re all hanging out in a bar somewhere that plays 90s music, everyone, and I mean EVERYONE was singing along to BSB and N’Sync songs. Complete with effin' hand pumping gestures from their MTVs. Seriously? People gave me such a hard time for listening to “gay” songs and it turned out everyone knew every line of every verse of “As Long As You Love Me”. May chair action pa kayong nalalaman. Motherthumpers.

Son, do what I did. Never let “cool” people dictate who you are and what you want in life. They are full of crap. Never succumb to peer pressure, and just let them think what they want to think. Recently I’ve been enjoying the music of One Direction. People can Judge me for liking “gay” music, but I don't care coz I’ve got balls and it's bigger than theirs.

3) Respect the elderly and always be a gentleman, it never goes out of style.

Son, if there’s one thing that you need to understand, your biceps aren’t there just so that you can flex and impress them girlaloos. Cramps lang aabutin mo diyan.

You’ll get the job done better by opening doors for them, helping them carry their things, sacrificing your behind on getting wet so that that your umbrella properly covers them, and giving up your seat even if that means you’ll have to remain standing. That also applies to them cute old people, you don’t need to want to date them before you help them out.